Week 13 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sam DeBaltzo

For this week's power rankings, I have offered my assessment based on the production of each player, on average, for each team.* The average may be skewed by acquisitions; however, it is interesting to note that the teams with the most acquisitions are clearly ranked higher than those that haven't.**

There is certain to be some displeasure with these rankings as they totally mix up from last time (although I don’t think anyone will be upset about Joe Buck Yourself’s ranking).

            To briefly summarize the stats, I have analyzed each teams players’ contribution per day. This is separated into Batters, Relievers, and Starting Pitchers. Attached here are the stats and here is a guide to reading the spreadsheet. I have ranked the teams based on which team has the most average points per game per player.

*Disclaimers:

1. This doesn't take into account players' injuries; instead, this is a measure of how much each player has contributed thus far. Therefore, an injured play that is now healthy could bring up the average by the end of the season. However, it is possible that other, currently healthy players get injured, so there is always a tradeoff.

2. Obviously people drop and add players all the time. This does not account for that. For this reason I have put how many acquisitions players have made. Whether the number of acquisitions should skew the averages up or down is up to you. However, this does account for how much the current players on each team (as of June 26) have contributed and thus are expected to contribute for the rest of the season.

**Don't tell any of the players at the bottom half of the rankings, they obviously haven't figured this out yet.

With no further ado, I present to you the Midseason Prediction of Final Rankings!

12. Citizen Kane (Previously 11)

            One of the most difficult jobs in making weekly power rankings is trying to find the proper balance between just tearing into Citizen Kane for being almost nonexistent this season while still being nice enough to get them to perform. Regardless, Kane seems determined to stick with the team they drafted, as they are the only team in the league to make 0 acquisitions all season.

11. Billy Beane (Previously 8)

            With a name like Billy Beane, they have got to love the stats in these week’s power rankings. However, these stats look more like the Athletics in Moneyball when the Phillip Seymour Hoffman*** just refused to play the right players. They have made three acquisitions, which is more than Bautized, All Brauns, Maraika, and Citizen Kane (which blows my mind, 6 players with 3 or less acquisitions), but they might need a little more to bring them out of the gutter.

***R.I.P. - Be a heroine, don't do heroin.

10. Maraika Rockwood (Previously 7)

            I had soooo much faith in Maraika, but she has let me down. She has a great record, way better than her other half, but I’m committed to the stats this week. She has an easy win this week but, based on my projections, she’s only going down. A significant change may occur if she starts making some acquisitions; for some reason she has kept Kevin Kiermaier and Lucas Duda all season, both of whom have been injured for over a month and have combined to give Maraika only 174 points all season; that’s less than how many times each team scores a week (*most weeks J).

9. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previously 12)

            Bay of Puigs has a worse record than even Citizen Kane, which is impressive in of itself. Bravo: despite having the fifth batter avg/game, you are the Biggest Loser.

8. All Brauns No Brains (Previously 5)

            I have not seen a waste of such good draft talent since Cleveland’s support of LeBron in the early 2000s. All Brauns had a great start to the season, and could continue to go strong, but they’ve refused to make more than 1 acquisition despite being riddled with injuries. If Kershaw’s injury is season ending, consider All Brauns’ season gone. I’d put money on that.

7. Bautized unto rePencetance (Previously 8)

            Bautized shares the leading average of relievers per game, although there is only a two pitcher sample-size, making it somewhat less impressive. Regardless, Bautized is a solid middle of the pack team and appears to be a lock for a win this week. They face Pitches Be Crazy next week and that could be Bautized’s chance to both (1) bring their record up to .500 and (2) rise in the rankings. We’ll see what happens!

6. Joe Buck Yourself (Previously 1)

            I still think Joe Buck Yourself is a phenomenal team, but I swore in these rankings I’d stick to the stats. Despite leading the league in relievers’ average per game, Joe Buck Yourself’s starters are heavily underperforming, as Eduardo Rodriguez is fighting tooth and nail to prove that the Sophomore Slump is a fact. Also, it doesn’t help that Bautized is absolutely destroying Joe Buck Yourself this week.

5. Pitches Be Crazy (Previously 4)

            The Jenny to my Kevin, Pitches has been an impressive first year contender. After  a couple of rough losses, Pitches has rebounded well and holds a 7-5 record. She is in a tough matchup with CQB this week; the winner could have a significant effect on next week rankings. What can I say, she’s amazing. As the mother of my future child (doesn’t that thing look like an alien?) you know she’s gonna be a winner.

4. Michigan Cougars (Previously 6)

            What most surprised me about the statistics was how low my reliever average is. I had thought that I had an impervious army of relievers, it seems that honor should actually go to Joe Buck Yourself, with an average of 2.55, tied with Bautized but with an extra reliever. The Butterface squad has certainly maintained quality starters, as the starters have the second highest average per game of 2.72. More importantly, CLEVELAND IS ON A ROLL AND JUST WON IN 19 INNINGS!!! It’s a Clevelander’s year to win, and I’m feeling it.

3. Clown Question Bro (Previously 10)

            CQB is one of the most interesting teams in these rankings because of his relievers, or should I say the lack thereof. CQB is the only team in the league that has decided to go with no relievers. CQB’s starters have and will perform well, as CQB is ranked fourth in SP Avg/Game. However, the real lifesaver for CQB is that his lack of relievers means, unlike the other teams with better starters, his total pitcher average per game is not brought down by poor relievers. Michigan Cougars, Wok it Out, and SHARK areNADO all have better starters, but their relievers pull their total pitcher average per game below CQB’s. CQB has the worst record of any of the teams in the new top six but he is certain to improve.

2. Wok it Out (Previously 2)

            I admit that I was a disbeliever of Wok it Out at first, putting their amazing record up only to strength of schedule. However, they have shown that they are real contenders. They have the lowest B-P differential of -.07, showing that their pitchers only score slightly more per game that their batters (you're welcome for Justin Verlander). They currently have the highest Pitchers' average per game and are crushing it in starting pitchers, scoring .11 more per game than any other team and scoring 1.2 more that Citizen Kane, who has the worst pitching. They're going to be a tough contender and will continue the success they've seen so far; and it won't just be thanks to their schedule.

1. SHARK areNADO (Previously 3)

            Despite their 5 losses, SHARK has become a huge force to reckon with this past month. They have the highest batter average per game of 2.65, over .16 higher than the next contender. They are currently being bludgeoned by Wok it Out, but given their current team composition, even a loss this week  will not stop the upward trend they’re on.

Week 11 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Corry Smith

(How Michigan Cougars feel about the rankings)

Hey guys, I know that there were a lot of changes from last week, but almost every game was an upset, and almost everyone’s record is within one game of each other. So there was deservedly a lot of movement. Highest move: Pitches Be Crazy (4 spots) Lowest move: Michigan Cougars (4 spots)

12. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previous: 11) 2-8

In a week when all of the underdogs seemed to take down the favorites, Puigs missed the memo and didn’t even show up to the game against Joe Buck Yourself. The team’s losing streak has now reached a bismal 6 games. The last time they won, they were sitting at .500. Now, any chance at .500 seems highly unlikely.

11. Citizen Kane (Previous: 12) 2-8

Though their season is still a disappointment, Kane showed some signs of life this week, putting up the fourth most points in the league and earning a rare win. Though a drastic change for the team seems unlikely, this win was still enough to move up in the power rankings.

10. Clown Question Bro (Previous: 9) 3-7

While they had a great win, putting up the most points in the league, CQB’s record is still in a bad place as they sit 4 games back. While they did score more points last week than usual, this week’s outburst seems like an exception. The next few weeks give CQB some favorable matchups and some good chances to win and improve their record so that they can get some more respect in these rankings. They scored a ton and won, but they’re still 3-7.

9. Billy Beane (Previous: 7) 5-5

The Beanes have lost 3 straight games to see their record drop to .500. 2 of those 3 losses were against teams that had a worse record, or equal record, which Billy should have won. Their current losing streak is a bad indication of where this team is headed. And scoring the least amount of points last week and the second least points this week is further evidence that this team needs a change, and fast.

8. Bautized unto rePencetance (Previous: 5) 5-5

They lost to Citizen Kane, who I’m pretty sure doesn’t even have a real manager. They’re stats are all middle of the pack, as is their record. Unless Bautized can find a spark, it looks like their season will continue to be mediocre.

7. Maraika Rockwood (Previous: 10) 5-5

Maraika managed to pull out the win over favored All Braun No Brains. Like many of the other teams, they need some spark to separate themselves from the rest of the league. This past week, Maraika’s pitching accounted for just 32% of the team’s points, so some pitching change could be the spark they’re looking for.

6. Michigan Cougars (Previous: 2) 6-4

Michigan scored the second to least points this week. The number 2 in a league can’t do that. Their record is middle of the pack, with everyone else. Not a lot to say. They’ve got to find a way to separate themselves if they want to be contenders..

5. All Braun, No Brains (Previous: 4) 6-4

The only reason Braun is ranked above Michigan is because they scored 5 more points than Michigan. They lost to Maraika, though, and look average. They need to pull together a winning streak if they want to still be ranked this high in a month’s time.

4. Pitches be Crazy (Previous: 8) 6-4

Honestly, Pitches doesn’t seem too different from a lot of the other teams in the league except that they won this week over the favored Billy Beane, whereas most of the other similar records lost. It was a needed victory to avoid falling out of the playoff picture. But they’ll need to put up significantly more points this next week to compete with Wok. The next week should help reveal if this team deserves its high spot in the rankings.

3. SHARK areNADO (Previous: 5) 5-5

We’ve been saying it all season, but Shark’s record continues to be misleading as the team consistently puts up high points. This week, they played the previously #2 Michigan Cougars and took the sure victory. But no matter how good the team may perform, at some point the record needs to start reflecting the stats or this team may find itself missing the postseason entirely.

2. Wok it Out (Previous: 3) 8-2

While the team did lose due to CQB having an unexpected monster performance, an 8-2 record this far into the season is a sign of a great team. While most of the league is within 1 game of each other and find themselves in the middle of the pack, Wok still has a comfortable 3 game lead.

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Previous: 1) 7-3

Once again, Joe was the best. Putting up more points than any other team helped retain the team’s dominance while playing a weak opponent. This is definitely the team to beat.

Week 9 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sam DeBaltzo

Well, I’m going to take a departure from the traditional TV themed rankings and go back to cold, hard statistics. The rankings are based on: Total Points For, Total Points Against, and Win-Loss Record. I have given more weight to Points For and Win-Loss Record (link attached). Short bios for each team, but I hope you enjoy!

Citizen Kane (Previously 12, Currently T-11)

I almost have nothing to say here. I feel bad that this is the highest Citizen Kane has been ranked in a while, and he’s only ranked 11 because it’s in a tie. I want to bash on them, but it seems unfair to bash on someone that has both ignored trash talking and has failed to make a single move this season. They are in dead last and I fully expect them to stay that way, save by some miracle Kane’s players play beyond their wildest dreams.

The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previously 8, Currently T-11)

Again, my main complaint (and what I believe the reason for their poor performance) is that Bay of Puigs has only made two acquisitions all season. I’ll put it off to having faith in his team. However; his record, total points scored, and the amount of points scored against him suggest that a new strategy may be in store.

Maraika Rockwood (Previously 11, Currently 10)

Like husband, like wife. That’s all folks.

Clown Question Bro (Previously 10, Currently 9)

I give CQB an “A” for effort. Unfortunately, the effort has not transposed to success thus far this season. Where CQB is about as opposite in manager involvement as possible from the three preceding teams, he hasn’t been able to convert the involvement to wins. Because I am a committed roster-tinkerer, I have faith that CQB’s efforts will pay off eventually. We just have to hope that his 1-7 record does not discourage him too much. If nothing else, he may have learned some lessons going into next year’s draft.

Pitches Be Crazy (Previously 7, Currently 8)

Since I have by far the most interaction with this team’s owner, I feel somewhat a vested interest in their success. The batting has been admirable and Pitches leads the league in walks received. However, the pitching has been rather lacking. Fortunately, the waiver wire has been quite kind this year to teams looking for improved pitching. We will have to see if Pitches is able to take advantage of it in the coming weeks.

Billy Beane (Previously 9, Currently 7)

I just watched Moneyball this week, so my love for Taylor’s team has once again been renewed. More importantly, the character played by Jonah Hill (they gave him a fake name for the movie), was hired by the Cleveland Browns this year as their Chief Strategy Officer. These rankings are in no way affected by personal preference, but that still makes me smile every time I see his team.

Bautized Unto rePencetance (Previously 6, Currently T-5)

Stat-wise, Bautized was winning in only two categories, losses (pitchers) and blown saves. However, as I tend to favor pitching, I really like the amount of losses. To give some perspective, Joe Buck yourself has 28 losses for the season, meaning Bautized has saved 10 points a week in comparison. That may not seem like much, but Bautized has won 3 of his games by 20 points or less. Well played ol’ boy.

Shark areNADO (Previously 3, Currently T-5)

This was probably the ranking I most disagreed with, as Shark areNADO’s slow start to the season has hurt him in these statistical rankings. The past two weeks have been beautiful to watch, as areNADO outscored the rest of the league by 80 points this last week (although the points were not exactly necessary to bludgeon the already-hemorrhaging CQB

All Brauns No Brains (Previously 4, Currently 4)

All Brauns is clear proof that you don’t need (1) any knowledge about professional baseball, (2) to make many acquisitions (they have made only one), and (3) to have Brains (it’s the name, nothing personal) in order to be good at fantasy baseball. I’ll push it off to sheer luck, perhaps his new Ohio good luck charm is all he needs:

Wok It Out (Previously 5, Currently 3)

My favorite thing about Wok It Out right now would be their acquisition of Justin Verlander. I was frustrated with his slow start to the season and dropped him three weeks ago, and he has been on fire since then. It was a great catch by Wok It Out and should turn into a great pickup for him. Outside of pitching, Wok has a loaded offense and some great bench players. It’s a good team and has consistently shown up when it needs to, losing only one game all season. The matchup this week against Joe Buck Yourself will be the chance he needs to prove himself even further.

Michigan Cougars (Previously 2, Currently 2)

I love my team; that’s all I can say. Despite being pitching-heavy, the Cougars have made crucial batting additions throughout the season to make the offensive end of their lineup solid, albeit lacking flash or mind-blowing stats. The pitching continues to lead the league, the Cougars having thrown 70 more strikeouts than any other team and 7 more wins. Not to mention, the closers for the Cougars are tied with Joe Buck Yourself at 43 saves.

Joe Buck Yourself (Previously 1, Currently 1)

Despite the joy I received watching Mr. Cook lose just two weeks ago, I have to admit that he is still the best team in the league. I am excited for the Wok It Out-Joe Buck Yourself matchup this week, and am with Dane in wondering how far Tyler will go to replace me as godfather. Nothing else to say or I might risk fanning Tyler’s ego.

Week 8 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Creighton Hardy:

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . .

There were 12 teams duking it out for absolute supremacy in the illustrious art of picking random athletes whose individual performance they would suddenly care about for a longer than normal period of time, otherwise known as Fantasy Baseball. Decisive victories had been won, heart crushing losses suffered, all to determine who would gain much coveted bragging rights, or just the opportunity to shut Tyler up for a little bit (Haters). All of the team managers were masters of their Force(s), but it became apparent that the balance was shifted in favor of those who were clearly more knowledgeable of the skills necessary to be a Master Baseball Jedi (or just really lucky in a lot of cases). In the eighth week of this legendary conflict,

12. Citizen Kane (Kylo Ren) (Previously 12)

Team Citizen Kane can be most easily compared to the brand new Kylo Ren. While the team may be young, inexperienced, and misguided by a complete lack of information about the true nature of his good old grandpa Vadar, there is always time to come back to the light side. If only Citizen Kane had the power to freeze some of those pitches the way Kylo freezes lasers, they might be able to hit a few more of them.

11. Maraika Rockwood (Aayla Secura) (Previously 10)

She may be one of the only female Jedis on the council, but she sure doesn’t act like it. Maraika Rockwood’s team is in the middle of the fray week after week, not backing down from a fight just because her gender may be in the minority. Mad props for that. However, they are going to have to start turning things around in the coming weeks if they are going to avoid the Order 66 that is to come at the end.

10. Clown Question Bro (Darth Maul) (Previously 11)

Don’t let the excessive makeup fool you, Clown Question Bro is for reals in this tournament. Hidden beneath a hood of secrecy is a phantom menace poised to attack when you least expect. Hopefully you are a little smarter than the Republic and at least know he exists. If not prepare to receive a double-ended lightsaber right through the belly.

9. Billy Beane (Ki-Adi mundi) (Previously 8)

Billy Beane had a big win this week and exemplified the courage and leadership of Ki-Adi Mundi. Rather than having his thoughts dwell on his mother, he went to work.  As a stone cold killer, he went to work as if it was the Battle of Mygeeto. But watch out, Order 66 may very well be coming for you too.

8. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Darth Sideous/ Emporor Palpatine) (Previously 9)

The Bay of Puigs Invasion may look like a mild mannered political idealist, but it could be said that he is just orchestrating a phenomenal rise to power like the evil Darth Sidious. His team might resemble a human avocado husk, but make no mistake there is power hidden in that lineup that will shock you if you’re not careful.

7. Pitches Be Crazy (Rey) (Previously 7)

Who knew that in the wastelands of Ann Arbor, a manifestation of Fantasy Baseball Force could be found in the form of Pitches Be Crazy? Just like Rey, this team finds themselves surprisingly powerful and with a little training from E.T.’s mom, they might be able to access enough hidden power to beat much more experienced combatants.

6. Bautized Unto Repencetance (Luke Skywalker) (Previously 6)

From humble beginnings, Bautized Unto Repencetance has truly emerged as a prodigy that will not be stopped. You’ll have to do a lot more than vaporize his aunt and uncle to stop him from putting the hurt on your team. With 1,923 total points, Bautized Unto Repencetance is on the cusp of making major stride up the rankings, if only he can keep his throwing hand from getting chopped off. For now he’s staying about as hot as the inside of a Ton-ton, Luke warm.

5. Wok it Out (Qui-Gon Jin) (Previously 3)

With the best record in the league right now, Wok it Out truly has learned the secret to immortality. With the intuitive management of affairs often in defiance of those more experienced than himself in the Baseball Fantasy Force, Wok it Out has been a dominant force in the league. We will see if his skills are adequate with darker forces yet to come, but come on, it’s Liam Neeson, he can handle it.

4. All Braun No Brains (Obi-Wan-Kenobi) (Previously 2)

Though young, inexperienced and bit head-strong, All Braun no Brains has proven that he is ready to face the trials ahead. Although suffering a terrible loss this week, his last words will still haunt us and continue to shape the league, “You can’t win Darth. If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

3. Shark areNADO (Mace Windu) (Previously 5)

You can’t have a power ranking with Jedis and not have Mace Windu in there somewhere towards the top, and that is precisely where Shark areNado belongs. With their particular lineup, it is fitting to compare it to the purple lightsaber wielding Master of the Force, Samuel L. Jackson. With enough skill to corner any enemy, lets hope he has the wisdom to wind up a little faster and dispatch his opponents before they shock him by negating his strong throwing hand.

2. Michigan Cougars (Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vadar) (Previously 4)

Friend or foe? You’ll never really know until it’s too late with the Michigan Cougars. One minute you think the game is in the bag, next thing you know his pitchers come out throwing peeps down the glowing shaft with no safety guards near it. With such an active manager but such stiff competition, it’s hard to tell if this will be the team of prophecy to bring balance to the league. Whether you’re a youngling team or a team of screaming tusken raiders, you best watch out, because the Michigan Cougars will show no mercy.

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Yoda) (Previously 1)

The unquestionably most powerful Jedi master should be compared to the team in the league with a considerable lead on its opponents. Joe Buck Yourself, like Master Yoda, can be underestimated easily by its size and confusing and profuse manner of speaking, but just wait until his team starts swinging. Joe Buck Yourself can dispatch opponents as easily as Yoda takes care of rogue clone troopers. But one has to wonder, is it likely that he’ll keep up this high-energy performance or will his experience and vast knowledge of the Force win the day? Either way at the moment, his opponents are just waiting for him to die and disappear so that they can take his place as the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy.

Week 7 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Dustin Jensen:

    Greetings fellow Crapstone Fantasy Leaguers!  I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful summer weather.  To continue the trend of comparing GMs to characters, this week I will be comparing every team member to a character of Daredevil on Netflix.  The rankings are going to be primarily based on SOS, Points scored, and record.  Let’s get this party started.

12. Citizen Kane (Previously 12, Currently 12)

Character: Anatoly Ranskahov

    Citizen Kane again finds himself at the bottom of the League, still an Ofer, and struggling to find north.  In a terrible combination CK has scored the fewest points, but has the second highest points scored against him, for a league-high deficit of -563.  Yikes.  CK, Much like Ranskahov, feels overpowered.  In both cases instead of finding a way out of an overpowering situation, in the end, the only attention received was decapitation by unpitying competitors.

11. Clown Question Bro (Previously 11, Currently 11)

Character: Ben Urich

    Clown Question Bro has had the league’s highest points scored against him at 1938.  Only one team in the league has scored that many points up to this point, and that is Joe Buck Yourself (2077).  Call it bad luck, at the end of the day it is what it is.  When Ben Urich found himself in a writing slump, instead of basking in the glory days of the past, he dug his heels in and kept working at the next great write.  CQB has done just that by refusing to bask in the amazing glittery and fantastic basketball win, by picking up his first baseball win and finishing in scoring near the middle of the pack (7th) through the year.  This team may not be great, but it’s certainly better than the 1-5 record it sports right now.  Even if CQB ends up getting strangled like Ben, at least CQB will go down swinging.

10.  Maraika Rockwood (Previously 10, Currently 10th)

Character: Leland Owlsley

    Caught in a three-way tie for 2-4, Wooden-rock has to be ranked the lowest.  MR has put up enough points to beat out Citizen Kane in the Points For category.  That’s it.  Had Maraika had opponents score more than the fourth-lowest scoring total against her, then I seriously doubt the 2-4 record would be intact.  I compared MR to Leland.  Leland’s smart, but certainly the weakest among villains of equal power under Fisk.

9.  The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previously 8, Currently 9)

Comparison: Vladimir Ranskahov

    I really couldn’t justify putting Bay of Puigs ahead of ShArK AREnado because of scoring. Vladimir was better than his brother, Antoly, but certainly on a lower plane than the other mob bosses. Compare Bay of Puigs to Shark AreNaDo.  BOP points for – 1601 Shark – 1757.  Points against 1617 vs 1739.  The end.

8. Billy Beane (Previously 5, Currently 8)

Comparison: Foggy Nelson

    WHAT?  Is Dustin on pot? Isn’t Billy Beane 4-2?  Ok look, but I’m not sorry for the drop.  Billie Bob can get really mad at me this week but I can’t sit here and pretend that Billy deserves the previous ranking of 5. This has to stop.  While Billy has a 4-2 record, it’s not going to stand for very long.  (Ok that hyperlink is great, if it’s the only one you check out, do it) BB’s scoring total is good for 10th in the league.  10 out of 12.  Ok, so that obviously means his opponents have crapped eggs all season, right?  Well, ya, only the lowest scoring total.  He’s just incredibly lucky up to this point.  Is it any wonder Beanie Baby is on a two game losing streak?  This is beyond east vs. west in NBA and I stand by the rank.  Foggy might be Daredevil’s friend, but he always turns on Daredevil and fails at being a physical force enough to just anger you and wonder if you really like him as a character.  The 4-0 start will only end up being noise unless some serious changes come soon.

7.  Pitches Be Crazy (Previous ranking 9, Currently 7)

Comparison: Karen Page

    Pitches Be Crazy is a team I have a hard time pegging.  The team isn’t bad, but it’s not great either.  It’s like (and I mean nothing bad against Charlotte, her team and the following comparisons are completely coincidental, Charlotte is lovely) trying to decide if Karen Paige is attractive or not.  Some episodes it’s like, ew…no.  Then other episodes, you are second guessing your initial opinion a bit.  Pitches won the first two, then lost three, then won one.  Points for and against are in the middle.  I’m having a hard time deciding if this team is headed up or down.  Only time will tell.

6.  Bautized unto rePencetance (Previously 6, Currently 6)

Comparison: Vanessa 

    Bautized is doing pretty good in the league so far.  Again sitting in the middle of the pack like Pitches Be Crazy, who knows where this team will go?  Management involvement has kept the team afloat, and with continued support this team could be in the top 5 soon.  You can look at 2 losses against Joe Buck Yourself and All Braun No Brains as an excuse or of promise with an easier schedule looming.  Your choice.  I chose to compare Bautized to Vanessa because Vanessa was an artist without much power, however, near the end of season one she suddenly became the right-hand-woman to the most powerful man in the city.  Potential, it’s a dangerous word.

5.  SHARK areNADO (Previously 3, Currently 5)

Comparison: Nobu

    Despite the drop, Jaws has nothing to worry about.  The 2-4 record is nearly as tainted as Billy Beane’s 4-2 record, but in the opposite direction.  Shark has the 4th highest scoring total and has struggled under the burden of fighting against the 4th highest opponent score total.  After a probable loss against Joe Buck Yourself, I see a 5 game win streak on the horizon.  No worries, even though Nobu lost the final fight, he inflicted the most damage, nearly killing Daredevil.  This team will be deadly come post-season.

4.  Michigan Cougars (Previously 4, Currently 4)

Comparison: Madame Gao

    Michigan Cougars is sitting in a pretty good spot.  I really wanted to make a case for the second-highest scoring team (1864) by launching it into the top three, but I couldn’t justify putting a  3-3 team above a 5-1 team no matter the SOS.  Like Madame Gao sneakily hiding her dominant drug ring behind the old lady façade, Sam has a powerhouse hiding behind his 3-3 record.  Make no mistake: Michigan Cougars is a great team.    

3. Wok it Out (Previously 7, Currently 3)

Comparison: Elektra

    Admittedly the weakest of the three leaders, WIO has had the lowest scoring total of those three by over 100 points and lowest opponent score of those three by nearly 200 points.  That being said, this team is still in the top half of the league in scoring and remains undefeated*.  Elektra, unlike Karen Page, certainly tips the scale on hotness so you know where you stand with her.  Elektra is a great crime fighter with a punch, however; cool fighting and hotness only gets you so far, in the end you need to beat the best.  It would be impossible to rank this team #1 with the SOS it has had.
*has not played All Braun No Brains or Joe Buck Yourself yet.

2.  All Braun No Brains (Previously 2, Currently 2)

Comparison: Daredevil

    All Braun No Brains (I refuse to shorten or make fun of team names after getting to the top 2) is a well-oiled machine.  All Braun No Brains is the third-highest scoring team, the only team to beat Joe Buck Yourself, and in two weeks will be the first team to defeat WIO, probably launching it into the top spot.  What can I say? Daredevil kicks A.

1.  Joe Buck Yourself (Previously 1, Currently 1)

Comparison: Wilson Fisk

    There is no question if Joe Buck Yourself should be #1 right now.  Joe Buck Yourself is the highest league scorer, ahead of the second-place scorer by over 200 points. He has dismantled the competition, and proved resilience in a stunning comeback none of you should forget.This team is the team to beat, and no team should be allowed to be ranked #1 without beating Joe Buck Yourself. Period.  I don’t want to hear about biases on this ranking.  The numbers (2077 points) are not biased.  A 5-1 record, is not biased.  If I were biased, my team which has had the hardest schedule out of 12 teams, would not be ranked 11, and Billy Beanie wouldn’t be as low as 8th.
    Now, as to the comparison to Wilson Fisk.  Wilson Fisk is the most dominant character on Daredevil.  I’d link this up but it’s definitely violent, so take my word for it, he beheads a man with a car door for interrupting him on a date, he intimidates those who use his name to the point someone kills himself after letting the name slip, he controls a city, he fights the punisher and daredevil and holds his own.  Interestingly enough, he does lose one fight to Daredevil, and All Braun no Brains is the one team who beat Joe Buck Yourself. However; once in prison, Fisk rules the prison and the guards within days and rebuilds a regime.  Daredevil isn’t that strong, Wilson Fisk (the Kingpin) is the man. Tyler Cook is the man, and rightly sits upon the throne of Fantasy Baseball today.

Week 6 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Dane Jacobsen:

Welcome, members of the Crapstone Fantasy League, to the Week 6 Power Rankings: Office Edition. Unlike last week, where players and not GM’s (Sam) were compared to characters from Captain America: Civil War, this week all GM’s will be represented by their Office equivalent. Also, as cleverly crafted as the MIPCAC ranking system was, time constraints required a simpler system this week. Therefore, the rankings are a result of a 50-50 split between total points and total wins. So without further ado, “everybody in the conference room!”  

12. Citizen Kane (Previous Ranking: 11 – Movement: Down 1)

Citizen Kane finds himself at the back of the pack yet again coming in with the lowest number of total points (1046) and tied for the lowest number of wins (0). What’s more, GM Daniel Hellrung continues to be a mystery to me even though this is the second time we’ve been in fantasy leagues together. So for the guy who comes in, does his work, doesn’t say much, loves pretzel day, and doesn’t take any crap, I give you #12: Stanley Hudson.

11. Clown Question Bro (Previous Ranking: 12 – Movement: Up 1)

Clown Question Bro failed yet again to get his first “W” this week, but who can blame him given the strength of his opponent. With 1279 total points, I’m sure Dustin is a really nice guy and tries really hard, but things just don’t seem to go his way. Better luck next week, Kevin Malone.

10. Maraika Rockwood (Previous Ranking: 10 – Movement: 0)

With 1281 total points and 2 wins, GM Maraika Rockwood’s team did pull together a win over Citizen Kane, but overall is failing to impress. With a few slight adjustments, like maybe taking off her glasses, her team really has the potential to move in the right direction. You can do it, Pam Beesly.  

9. Pitches Be Crazy (Previous Ranking: 8 – Movement: Down 1)

With a name like Pitches Be Crazy, could Charlotte be any other than our very own Crapstone version of Kelly Kapoor? She’s got 1321 total points and 2 wins that land her solidly in the 9^th slot. Perhaps if she accesses her uncrazy side, she’ll be able to up her game.

8. The Bay of the Puigs Invasion (Previous Ranking: 6 – Movement: Down 2)

 GM Alec Rockwood is our Jim Halpert –  not necessarily because he’s the best looking guy in the group, but rather by default because he married Pam Beesly. Based on the rankings, it would seem that she married up… but we all know that he’s the one that got lucky. Let’s hope that luck transitions into some more wins. Who knows, he may still have some tricks up his sleeve.  

Total Points: 1341

Total Wins: 2

7. Wok it Out (Previous Ranking: 4 – Movement: Down 3)

Wok it Out remains the only undefeated team in the league. While in any other situation that would put him in the unquestioned 1^st position, GM Dane Jacobsen’s success is in no way related to skill. In fact, you may have already noticed that these rankings have not included any knowledge of players. Similarly, in The Office, in spite of being completely incompetent and incredibly awkward, Michael Scott somehow lands himself in the regional manager position. There is another reason Dane is Michael Scott, which will become apparent shortly.

Total Points: 1313

Wins: 5

6. Bautized unto rePencetance (Previous Ranking: 9 – Movement: Up 3)

Sean Rockwood is our Andy Bernard, coming in with 1360 points and 2 wins. While the wins are altogether unimpressive, his total points are enough to land him halfway up the rankings. In other words, his team is mediocre. Kind of like Andy. He’s a decent character, kind of a suck up, not great at sales, but still manages to win the hearts of some people.

5. Billy Beane (Previous Ranking: 2 – Movement: Down 3)

Let’s be completely clear here: this comparison has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. Rather, Taylor is Crapstone’s Oscar Martinez because he’s great with numbers (the guy’s an actuary for crying out loud) and generally keeps to himself. His uninvolvedness may be slightly off-putting, but he puts together a great team regardless. With his only loss to the undefeated Wok it Out, and with 1355 total points on the season, there may yet be good things to come.

4. Michigan Cougars (Previous Ranking: 3 – Movement: Down 1)

The love interest of Pitches Be Crazy, and also Machiavellian by nature, Sam DeBaltzo is competing hard for the top spot. Unfortunately, after this week’s contest to the undefeated Wok it Out, he’ll more likely end up working at the local bowling alley as our very own Ryan Howard. A little bit of facial hair doesn’t make you a man, Sam.

Total Points: 1520

Wins: 3

3. SHARK areNADO (Previous Ranking: 5 – Movement: Up 2)

As always the top salesman, but ever only the assistant to the regional manager, Crapstone’s Dwight Schrute is Corry Smith. With 1525 points and 2 wins, Corry performs well but is unlikely to ever see his dreams of advancing in rank come to fruition. The points are impressive, but unless they translate into wins they will never be enough.

2. All Braun No Brains (Previous Ranking: 7 – Movement: Up 5)

True to his team name, All Braun No Brains is headed by Creighton Hardy, or should I say Darryl Philbin. With 1538 points and 4 wins, this team is the only real threat to Joe Buck Yourself. Who needs brains when you’re jacked like this guy. 

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Previous Ranking: 1 – Movement: 0)

And now, the one, the only, the one we love to hate: Toby Flenderson aka Tyler Cook. With a staggering 1exactly what he’s doing and yet we could kick him in the nuts and feel just fine about it. He’s the Kobe Bryant to the Jazz – he is the villain who must be respected.

1718 points (nearly 200 more than his closest competitor) and 4 wins, this is the guy who knows

Week 5 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sean Rockwood:

Friends, I’m afraid that as members of the Crapstone kingdom, we are in a time of turmoil. J. Tyler Cook has murdered the DeBaltzo Duo. Dane, Austin, and Maraika have banded together to form a super random coalition against Joseph T. on Facebook. What this world needs is a hero.

Well, in commemoration of Donald Trump becoming the Republican presidential candidate yesterday, I’m taking it upon myself to make Crapstone great again! Clearly the ESPN ranking system is not enough to create consensus among Crapstone members, so I have used my valuable (more like $9.50 an hour) time to create one ranking metric to rule them all. I call it MIPCAC! It goes a little something like this:

1.      Manager Involvement 25%

Ex. Moves + Facebook Posts and Comments

2.      Point Differential 50%

Ex. Points For – Points Against

3.      How their best player would fare in a Captain America: Civil War comparison battle. 25% Friday is more important than any baseball game before September. Tickets here.

Ex. Bartolo Colon = 1978 Incredible Hulk

There you go, MIPCAC!!! If you want to see the full ranking layout for this week, feel free. If not, here are your week 5 rankings.

12. Clown Question Bro (Previous Ranking: 11 - Movement: Down 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 5

Point Differential Rank: 12

Civil War Comparison Rank: 10

Not much going here for CQB. Despite decent manager involvement, it’s hard to get past having the worst point differential in the league. Maybe if he would’ve let up a bit in the final weeks of the fantasy basketball season he could’ve come better prepared this year (not bitter).

 

Manny Machado and The Falcon

11. Citizen Kane (Previous Ranking: 12 - Movement: Up 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 12

Point Differential Rank: 11

Civil War Comparison Rank: 4

Despite awful MI and PD ranks, Citizen Kane squeaks in front of CQB on the coattails of MLB iron man Miguel Cabrera. Though he may be on the decline, this triple crown winner will go down as one of the greatest of all time, and must be respected as such, still producing at an all-star level at age 33.

 

Miguel Cabrera and Iron Man

10. Maraika Rockwood (Previous Ranking: 9 - Movement: Down 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 11

Point Differential Rank: 10

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

 
Paul Goldschmidt and Ant-Man

Maraika avoids the bottom two slots with a healthy dose of decency, and isn’t that the only word to describe Ant-man? Before anyone freaks out and says that Manny Machado should outrank Goldschmidt, remember who won this.

9. Bauptized unto rePenencetance (Previous Ranking: 6 - Movement: Down 3)

Manager Involvement Rank: 7

Point Differential Rank: 7

Civil War Comparison Rank: 10

Although an unimpressive point differential doesn’t help much after a tough early schedule, the real killer for Bauptized is the overall inexperience of team Iron Man newcomer Spiderman. Despite Kris Bryant’s gaudy numbers, he still needs a few more years of experience under his belt before he can consider himself one of the big boys.

Kris Bryant and Spiderman

8. Pitches Be Crazy (Previous Ranking: 5 - Movement: Down 3)

Manager Involvement Rank: 6

Point Differential Rank: 9

Civil War Comparison Rank: 2

Pitches Be Crazy has greatly benefited by the high involvement of manager Charlotte DeBaltzo. However, it was Avengers dark horse Scarlet Witch that is largely responsible for the jump to 8^th. With the ability to perform magic and manipulate minds, Wanda Maximoff can turn any confrontation on its head. Kind of like Matt Sherzer.

 

Matt Sherzer and Scarlet Witch

7. All Braun No Brains (Previous Ranking: 2 - Movement: Down 5)

Manager Involvement Rank: 9

Point Differential Rank: 5

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

Low Manager Involvement bumps down ABNB despite a top five point differential. However, Civil War catalyst Bucky keeps them in the race. There are not many out there with a left arm as strong and skilled as Clayton Kershaw, and Bucky serves as a formidable comparison.

 

Clayton Kershaw and Bucky Barnes

6. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previous Ranking: 10 - Movement: Up 4)

Manager Involvement Rank: 8

Point Differential Rank: 4

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

The Bay of Puigs Invasion comes it at #6, but it’s not the Dodgers’ star that headline’s this squad. NYC bomber and overall bad-A Yoenis Cespedes has earned that title. Also, if you had to pick an Avenger that fit the description “overall bad-A”, it would be this guy.

 

Yoenis Cespedes and Black Panther

5. SHARK areNADO (Previous Ranking: 4 - Movement: Down 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 3

Point Differential Rank: 8

Civil War Comparison Rank: 2

No one benefitted more from the MIP CAC system than SHARK areNADO. Manager Corry Smith has already made 11 moves in just 4 weeks, beating out perennial fidgety GM Sam DeBaltzo for highest total. Having 5 tool star Nolan Arenado doesn’t hurt. As a Gold Glover that bats over .300, is top 5 in RBI, and leads the majors in HR, this stud has no weaknesses. Part man, part robot, The Vision presents similar problems.

 

Nolan Arenado and The Vision

4. Wok it Out (Previous Ranking: 8/7 - Movement: Up 3/4)

Manager Involvement Rank: 3

Point Differential Rank: 3

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

Wok it Out brings the killer combo of high manager involvement and an exceptional Point Differential rating. However, it’s Avenger sidekick Hawkeye that holds the group back. Jake Arrieta has proven that when he is on, he doesn’t miss, notching his second no-hitter in a calendar year last month. Unfortunately for Hawkeye, deadly accuracy alone isn’t enough though when fighting the supers of the world. Plus, everyone knows that pitching doesn’t win games…

 

Jake Arrieta and Hawkeye

3. Michigan Cougars (Previous Ranking: 3 - Movement: 0)

Manager Involvement Rank: 1

Point Differential Rank: 6

Civil War Comparison Rank: 4

What Michigan Cougars lack in playing ability, they make up for in Manager Involvement. Manager Sam DeBaltzo steals the #1 ranking after making 11 moves and being the second most active on Facebook. MLB golden boy Mike Trout has become the face of the league, much like American golden boy Captain America has for the Avengers. Whether or not he will be able to retain that title is yet to be seen.

 

Mike Trout and Captain America

2. Billy Beane (Previous Ranking: 8/7 - Movement: Up 5/6)

Manager Involvement Rank: 9

Point Differential Rank: 2

Civil War Comparison Rank: 1

Poor manager (read Facebook) involvement negates a great Civil War comparison rank as Billy Beane slides in at #2. What would change in manager Taylor Call’s life if he spent more time on Facebook? Would he find his wife? Would he learn cool math tricks? Would he get caught up in the Crapstone mayhem and join the Dane, Maraika, Austin Coalition to take down J. Tyler? The world may never know.

That being said, lets just talk about Billy Beane brute Giancarlo Stanton for a second. The dude has to wear a face mask on his helmet so that his natural breathing doesn’t blow away the pitcher 60 feet away. He tears through his jersey so naturally that’s its impossible to tell whether or not it is painted on. He’s more than just the perfect specimen of man, he’s a monster.

 

The Hulk and Giancarlo Stanton, wait oops…

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Previous Ranking: 1 - Movement: 0)

Manager Involvement Rank: 2

Point Differential Rank: 1

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

Combining the highest point differential with a “typing just to hear myself talk” amount of Facebook posts, Joe Buck Yourself earns this week’s top ranking. Crossbones brings in the #6 Civil War ranking as the guy that wants to shake everything up. Rival to golden boy Mike Trout, Bryce Harper has pledged to “make baseball fun again” by claiming the title for “worst hair in the history of baseball.” Only a personality like this could split up friends Captain America and Iron Man. 

 

Bryce Harper and Crossbones

Honorable Mention: Austin Jones managed to get on the board this week despite a roster including Tim Duncan and Elgin Baylor after adding 3 posts to the Facebook page. Also, that technically makes Austin last place again. Sorry bud.