Crapstone Fantasy Basketball 2017-2018
Season
12. Mine
Centers Have Got Center’s Centers
(Taylor Call)0-3
Taylor doesn’t have a team
logo and hasn’t made any team adjustments (yet) either, but he isn’t as lucky
as Charlotte was with her team so it’s not working out. Elfrid Payton’s already been ruled out for a
month (funny thing about Elfrid Payton, I’m pretty sure a rat lives in his hair
and controls his movements like in the movie Ratatouille) and 5 players are
averaging less than 10 points per game for Taylor. That hurts a bit. There’s potential, as Westbrook and Drummond
are both scoring well in fantasy land, but owner intervention is needed to
right this shi………p.
Record Prediction 3-13
11. I Stole
Ariza’s Pills
(Maraika Rockwood)0-3
Maraika has decided that
Steph Curry is enough to win every night without additional players as starters
get benched nightly. Hassan Whiteside is
also on Maraika’s hit list as he’s been benched since October 27. Maybe Steph will get to see the light and
pass the ball up Maraika’s fantasy court to the likes of Whiteside, Walker,
Gay, and Ingram…but probably not on the same night, Maraika’s resting a few to
make an example of them.
Record Prediction: 3-13
10. Blackmon, Mars Blackmon
(Sean Rockwood)
1-2
Sean has the most interesting
mix of players on his team that I may have ever seen. Sean’s got Fantasy’s best current player,
Antetokunmpo, and Kyle Lowry as the main stars of the team. Then you’ve got Kanter - his world flipped
with the trade to NY after professing his love to OKC. Crabbe - went from a
playoff team to Boston’s old lottery pick machine. Rodney - suddenly forgot
what a basketball is and how to fit one of those in those metal
hoop-things. Smart - moved to last
year’s Finals team after Boston lands Hayward.
I don’t know why I find this
so intriguing, you’ve got a bunch of second string guys who, for whatever
reason (and generally no fault of their own), got traded elsewhere all in the
same year. All either struggling or
figuring out what they’re doing, and a lot of them were kind of fan favorites
off the bench. I mean in real life
having them all on the same team would be cool, but really hard to manage
IMO. In any event, I believe Sean has
realized how hard it is to manage these players as well as he has copied
Maraika’s approach (or did she copy Sean’s?) and benches starters on a
consistent basis to keep the team chemistry intact. Man is anyone who puts forth an ounce of
effort gonna struggle to make the post-season this year?
Record Prediction: 4-12
9. Uncle Drew’s
Cab
(Creighton Hardy)1-2
Way to be Creigton on picking
up a F.A. that is averaging over 20 points a game! I’d be lying if I told you I knew much about
Sabonis before today, but obviously a white guy who plays for the Pacers would
be a great fantasy pickup for anybody.
Beal, Irving, and Sabonis are doing decent damage per game for Creighton
(60 fppg actually), yet Creighton is currently 2nd from last at
points for. I’m not too worried about
Creighton, eventually Leonard will come back (I hope), and a little lineup
manipulation should get the team on the up-and-up. For the record, I freaking hate Zaza
Paculia. Isn’t it enough that he robbed
us of a potentially amazing series? It
was literally a series I waited all season long for, and he puts his big ugly
foot out and ruins not only the series, but potentially another season of an
incredible athlete.
What’s his beef anyway? Dude, Pachulia, you suck. Literally.
You think the warriors wouldn’t be winning championships without
you? You are an average NBA player who
just happened to land on a great team. That’s it. Get rid of your freaking ego, you suck, and I
hope you lose a season because you step in a bear trap you ugly ogre.
Best of luck Creigton.
Record Prediction: 7-9
8. Leave Bear
(Dane Jacobsen)1-2
Can I just say, even though your last name didn’t finish great in the rankings (you’ll see it in a bit) I think this fantasy team has got to be the most creative. It’s named Go Bear, has Gobert, and has an image of Rudy the movie on it. There’s so many puns there it’s crazy and I love it.
Much like the start to Rudy’s
season, Dane’s team is off to a bit of a rocky start. I might be wrong but I think this team will
turn up the temp a bit in the next few weeks.
The first few weeks of any season it takes a minute for players and
teams to get their feet under them, and Chris Paul will be back. I think, factoring in Paul, Rudy scoring a
little more per game as well as Winslow, you’re looking at a pretty decent
team. Maybe this team will be like the
Notre Dame Rudy, start of will little fanfare, laud, or honor, and end with a
bang.
BTW, the two sports movies I will never watch again because they were so effing boring: Rudy and Field of Dreams. No I’m not lying. Yes I saw them both. No they didn’t inspire me. Yes I told my last boss my feelings on the matter and he told me it was a career limiting move. No I didn’t take it back.
Record prediction: 8-8
7. The
Processor
(Austin Jones)1-2
Fortunately (or
unfortunately, given the team name) Austin won’t be bad enough to win any
lotteries this year. I think this team
as it currently stands will be a pretty consistent team (I mean week 2 and 3
scores for Austin were separated by 2 points).
It’ll be the team that sneaks up on you and busts your small win streak,
and then the following week he’ll lose by a handful to a team with a lesser
record who has a hot week. There’s a
slight blue-collar feel to the team with Mike Conley and Derrick Favors on the
team, but really this team is made up of a lot of guys who just pull their
weight every week and are a regular and integral part of the rotation.
Man for one day could we just
make real teams out of these? Can you
imagine Embiid holding down center with a Conley point, Jokic PF, and Porter
playing wing? There’s not really another
eye-popping wing but we can say Russell just to add a little bling. I think this team will be a lot like the
Denver Nuggets this year, and that’s a good thing.
Record Prediction: 9-7
6. Peregrin
Took Aint Easy
(Tyler Cook)1-2
LeBron James and Blake
Griffin are rocking it for Cook. The
problem, the rest of his roster is kind of performing…average. The potential to blow the roof off is
certainly there, Bledsoe is averaging 10.7 per game and can easily boost that,
same with Butler (16.9), and Morris who is just getting back. At the moment Cook’s roster is kind of in the
middle, but Cook is good at roster manipulation, and he’ll make the moves
necessary to win. In football though, is
Cook going to use the new rules to tank?
Or maybe he’ll shoot for a strong playoff performance this season. Cook’s a hard one to peg, but due to sheer
will and determination I believe cook will be a playoff contender in
basketball.
Record Prediction 9-7
5. Off the Wall
and Into El Fuego
(Charlotte DeBaltzo)3-0
Charlotte only married Sam for his last name. (Name rankings are just ahead I promise)
I’m not sure if Charlotte was just lucky on draft night or if she put a lot of effort into building a good team. Ok well, scenes how there is no team logo, no moves have taken place with the team, and Isaiah Thomas is currently sitting in her starting lineup, I’m leaning towards the former guess, but who knows. All I can say is somehow Charlotte has managed to stay undefeated, and that’s saying something. Rubio was a good fantasy find, as he’s scoring and more efficiently than ever in his career, netting Charlotte more points per game than if she’d netted Lowry. Cousins must get a fantasy point for every time he throws a tantrum like a child because he’s a top 5 fantasy player right now and averaging over 30 fantasy points per game. Really, looking at Charlotte’s roster, there’s not a lot of room for improvement aside from dumping Thomas out of the Brinks truck and picking up a scorer (unless there’s playoff strategy there), and trying to upgrade Tyler Johnson and Georgie-Porgie Daang. Well played Charlotte, well played
Record Prediction: 10-6
4. Stock’s
Hairy Legs
(Dustin Jensen)3-0
What can I say about my own
team? It’s off to a hot start already
and I picked up way too many players related to the Jazz. Getting George Hill was a mistake as we are
all learning he only plays good on good teams, and Sacramento is over-paying
his butt.
On the team we’ve got only
two players averaging over 20 fppg which is a problem, I hate Draymond
Green, but luckily got Mitchell to
balance out the hatred. I realize you
don’t want to read about my team and I don’t want to type about them much
either. I’m the 3rd highest
scorer in the league but I’ve also had the 3rd least points scored
against me. At least one of those will
give and I’m unsure which way it will go. I love my team and wish desperately
for another basketball championship (or a football one!), but I’m having a
rough time because the Jazz are playing like hot garbage right now. Love you all, let’s move on nothing to see
here.
Record Prediction: 10-6
3. Make
Believeland MiraCLEVs
(Sam DeBaltzo)0-3
Have I ever mentioned
DeBaltzo is by far the coolest last name anybody has in our group? Solid man, if we were ranking last names
DeBaltzo would finish first for sure.
1. DeBaltzo
2. Rockwood
3. Jensen
4. Cook
5. Jones
6. Call
7. Hardy
8. Smith
9. Jacobsen
Now that that’s settled let’s look at Sam’s team. James Harden just gave the Jazz a bare-butt spanking and I’m still recovering a bit, so don’t be shocked if I over-rank this team because of James. This team passes the eye test for sure, I mean Harden, Porzingis, Dragic, Parker, and, the obvious star of the team: Joe Ingles. It would be a gross error to dock DeBaltzo due to his 0-3 start and sent him to the bottom of the rankings with the team he has. Right now, Sam has had the most points scored against him. In fact, really, my team is currently 3-0, but I’ve had nearly 400 less points scored against me compared to Sam. The biggest error Sam could make would be to perform a drastic overhaul to a good roster. The biggest mistake you could make is not setting your lineup when you’re playing against this lineup.
Record Prediction: 10-6
2. Onesie and Donsie
(Alec Rockwood)2-1
Alec has a good team, but I
think this team may be a bit inflated to start off the year. Don’t get me wrong, this team is good, I mean
right now it’s scoring better than 7 of the 12 teams in our league. Just be wary Alec, you’ve had the least
amount of points scored against you this season. Maybe it’ll hold up, but odds are it
won’t.
Dwight Howard, who has been a
better fantasy player than real player for years now, was a good pickup. The Durantula did awesome work in the Finals
even if it was a cheap move to leave Westbrook to get the ring. I wonder though, which came first for Alec,
the chicken or the egg? Did he decide to
name his team one and done before picking up Durant or after? I’d say after but if it was before a high
five to you for foresight.
Alec has already been an
involved manager by making roster moves, and I think he’ll be able to stay on
top of his team before the points against catches up to him. This team will be good folks. Don’t forget to set your lineups here.
Record Prediction: 11-5
1. Wardell
Stephen Curry II’s Brother
(Corry Smith)3-0
Holy Crap this team is good. I’m going to say it now, I think this is the team to beat, folks! Somehow draft night came and went, and Corry cleaned house right under all of our noses. 5 players are averaging over 20 fppg and one is averaging over 30. Hello!!!! Talk about teams you’d like to see in real life, Lillard, DeRozan, Davis, Love, and Gordon, looking good. Smithy even have that x factor player that pisses you off because he’s such a douche (Rodman, Artest, Lambier, etc.) that all championship teams seem to have in his benchie Rondo. Smith has already been the high scorer two of the four weeks, and that’s with Rondo on his team who. Isn’t. playing. Smith can and will be a dominant force, and we’ll all just be ropes on the good year blimp if he decides to torch us all. (High five to anyone who knows the ropes on the Goodyear blimp reference)
Record Prediction: 12-4
