Courtesy of Corry Smith
Alright, while there are still some games left tonight to
decide who will be in the football playoffs, I’m presenting the first
basketball power rankings in the season. We’re 6 weeks in a 17 week season, so
enough games have been played to give a view into how teams are panning out,
with some interesting patterns that I’ll mention at the end real quick. To
score this week’s rankings, I went week by week and ranked each team by order
of points scored and then added those together. I’m sure some don’t think this
is statistically advanced enough (Taylor) but it’s what I used. So deal with
it.
#12 Team DeBaltzo
(1-5) - Charlotte - 15
Coming in at a strong last place is Team DeBaltzo. You’ve
got to wonder if she knows something we don’t by continuing to put All-Stars on
her roster like the injured Tyreke Evans, the inured Jeremy Lin, and especially
the injured Gary Harris. The team has struggled to put up substantial points
all season, being among the lowest three teams in scoring 5 of the 6 weeks, and
the lowest twice. The only win came this past week against fellow preggy I Took
A Pill In Ariza, largely attributed to I Took A Pill’s worst week on the
season. While the team has the big names on the roster, like Towns, Griffin,
Noah, and Irving, it has yet to be a factor this season.
#11 Team Rockwood
(0-6) - Alec - 18
Going 0 - 6 is always a rough start to a season. That’s the
main reason for Team Rockwood losing out to Team Call’s same score. But also
significant is the fact that despite being winless, Rockwood has yet to pick up
any players, or even change his roster once. While he may be trusting that
certain players will make an impact when they return from injury, such as
Favors, Reggie Jackson, or Nerlens ‘Merry Christmas’ Noel, it still doesn’t
explain keeping potential juggernaut Mirza Teletovic who is averaging an
amazing 6.4 points a game, which is even less than other guys I also haven’t
heard of like Kevin Looney Toons, Jakob Poeltltltl, or Dante Eczema, who all
have ridiculous names. Maybe he’s playing Hearts rules and is trying to shoot
the moon and go scoreless, an interesting strategy that I really think he’ll
regret at the end of the season.
#10 Team Call (1-5) -
Taylor - 18
For the first time, Team Call has decided to change the name
from Billy Beane and trust on pure basketball instinct rather than the numbers.
Well... the instinct has lied. Always trust the numbers Taylor! That’s what
they pay you the big bucks for! Twice, Team Call has been the lowest scoring
team. The one win came against fellow 18 pointer Team Rockwood, so that doesn’t
really count. While Call has played a ful team every week, which is
appreciated, he has yet to make any pick ups while still playing Jared
Sullinger who is supposed to be out another month and a half, and doesn’t offer
much of an addition even when healthy. But the fact that he still puts up a
roster each week will at least offer some potential upset weeks, which keeps
the league going.
# 9 I Took A Pill In
Ariza (3-3) - Maraika - 36
Being the team that separates the quite bad from the average
is I Took A Pill In Ariza, who is sitting at .500. Ariza has had some great
weeks, being in the top three scoring teams twice this year, but then also
being the second worst team week 2, and the worst team this past week. But
having J.R. Smith is an automatic curse for a streaky and inconsistent team.
Ariza’s team is actually pretty solid and has the potential of a playoff team,
as long as they can bounce back from this past week’s rough loss and find some
consistency.
# 8 Carry on my
Hayward son (3-3) - Dane - 37
Barely getting the edge over Ariza is Carry on my Hayward
son, who is also at .500, as is about half the league. While generally scoring
low, Hayward has been the third highest scoring team once, and then just had a
monstrous week this past week where he put up the most points of any team this
season. He has also had the fourth most points scored against him which shows
the tough schedule he’s faced. If this past week is an indication of this
team’s true potential, with two players scoring in triple digit points, and
every other player putting up solid numbers, Hayward could quickly find
themselves on a hot streak.
# 7 Team jones (3-3)
- Austin - 43
Team jones has been a solid team all year. Though he scored
the second least points week 3, he bounced back by scoring the most points the
following week against the second highest scoring team of the week, Sam. He’s
also had a tough schedule, having had the third most points scored against him.
I think jones could quickly rise into the top teams over the next few weeks. He
faces 3 of the 4 bottom teams next week which should allow him to separate
himself a bit from the other .500 teams. He also has had both players in the
league this year who are named Terrance, so maybe that’s important too?
# 6 Stockton’s Short
Shorts (3-3) - Dustin - 45
I don’t know why, but I am both rooting for and rooting
against Stockton’s Short Short’s. Dustin has always been one of the best and
most involved fantasy players, even when it’s not his sport, like basketball
is, but I still just don’t want to see a champion repeat. He was clearly high
on his own team though, ranking himself at #3 in the preseason rankings,
predicting a 10-6 record for himself. He’s going to have to change things around
to go 7-3 the rest of the season. This may be difficult as his three wins have
come against teams who are a combined 4-14 while going 0-3 against teams that
are a combined 14-4. He’s showing confidence in his team, however, as he has
yet to pick up any players, while still supporting players who are averaging
less than 10 points a game, such as Allen Crabbe and Goyle, and Brandon Knights
of the Night. We’ll see, but I would be shocked if Stockton made a run at
repeating his championship.
# 5 Believeland
Chokers (3-3) - Sam - 48
The last of the .500 teams is probably the best of them all.
Besides a rough week 3, the Chokers have been a solid team each week. Besides
that rough week, the other two losses have come by less than 20 points each.
One possible downside, however, is that the usually active Sam has only made
one move this year, which could hurt him if he just keeps waiting on injured
players D (God’s comma) Angelo Russell, Dirk, and Chandler Parsons getting
healthy. His team is solid, and I definitely see a playoff team. But it will
depend a lot on how he handles the growing injuries in the coming weeks, or if
he’ll let something as petty as an infant to get in the way of what matters
most: Fantasy Basketball.
# 4 Pippen Aint Easy
(4-2) - Tyler - 48
At 4-2, Pippen Aint Easy gets the edge of 3-3 Believeland
Chokers. And I know you’re in shock that you aren’t #1 Tyler. But like his
counterpart, the injuries may begin to take a toll on Pippen. He doesn’t have
any of the top 15 players, so a healthy and full roster will be especially
important. Tyler seems to always have a lot of confidence in his drafted teams,
though, and doesn’t make many changes, having added zero players this year.
Tyler is banking on his big men staying healthy so that he doesn’t have to
break up his full team of centers, Andre Drumstick, Greg Monroe, Jonas Brothers
Valanciunas, Robin Lopez, and Clint Accapella. He’s got a solid team, he’ll
make the playoffs, but I think his commitment to his current team may hurt him
in the playoffs.
# 3 Durantulas Of
Love (5-1) - Corry - 51
Man, what a great team! Am I right?! Dustin pre-ranked me at
9, but I’m crushing it. And since I don’t think anyone else is really reading
my ranking, I’m just gonna say that I’m definitely going to the championship
and only see Mars Blackmon’s Best as potential competition. Although, I will
admit that I have been lucky having the least points scored against me. But
still. I am only 2 points in a ridiculous week 4 away from being an undefeated
team. That’s solid.
# 2 What’s Defense
(6-0) - Creighton - 51
The 6-0 start, and Durantulas luck with the least points
scored against him, gives What’s Defense the edge. But while a very good team,
the perfect record is misleading as four of his 6 wins came by 5 points, 8
points, 1 point, and 10 points. In a not very different world, What’s Defense
is 2-4. But it is still a solid team and is living up to its #1 preseason
ranking. He’ll stay strong through the season, but will continue to have a
bloated record. I predict this week he gets his first loss against Pippen, but
then playing 3 of the 4 lowest teams will inflate him up to 9-1. And if he
beats Pippen, we’re looking at a solid 10-0 team. But I think we won’t truly
see how good Defense is until playoff time, when the small margins he’s been
winning by should go away over a two week game.
# 1 Mars Blackmon’s
Best (4-2) - Sean - 58
Even though he is just 4-2, Mars Blackmon’s Best is a
beastly team, and definitely the best so far this season. 3 times he’s been in
the top 2 scoring teams, and twice he was the #1 scoring team. He has the most
overall points scored by more than 100, and hasn’t had too much luck with
opposing team’s scoring. The two losses, also, should not be a concern as one
was against the streaky I Took A Pill In Ariza, and the other was this week’s ridiculous
blowout from Carry on my Hayward son. Blackmon put up the second most points
this past week, and any other week would have gotten a W. This team scares me,
and not just because the team’s logo is a black man, though that is a nice
touch. But the average for a player on this team is 18.7 points a game. That’s
insane. That’s better than 70% of the players on the worst 3 teams in our
league. And that’s his player average! Mars Blackmon’s Best is definitely the
team to beat and the team to fear.
After looking at these rankings, I realized that there is an
important theme found. Of the bottom 6 teams, 4 of them have or are expecting
babies. I offer the theory that parenthood (somehow) affects a fantasy owner’s
concentration and performance. And don’t worry about the teams that don’t
follow this pattern. Sam, who is not ranked in the bottom 6, clearly doesn’t
love his baby as much as the other people. Austin, who is ranked #7 also
doesn’t bust my theory. I’ve played basketball against Austin, and he gets
quite physical, pushing his backside into me in all sorts of inappropriate and
scary ways. So, I’m just saying, with how physical he is on the court, he may
very well be pregnant himself. And Taylor being ranked #9 just means one thing:
Tay has a secret gf and is in fact a Seattle baby daddy. Proud of you Tayee. I
knew you had it in you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBa-4X0LBjk
