Courtesy of J. Tyler Cook and Sam DeBaltzo
Week three has come and gone and we have had quite the
shake-up in rankings! Billy
Beane and Dane
Jacobsen (seriously, you have got
to get a team name) remain the only unbeaten teams but the power rankings
demonstrate this may be solely for strength of schedule. We appear to have some
solid bottom-feeders in Citizen
Kane and Clown
Question Bro. However, Maraika
Rockwood (again, team name) has redeemed from her 0-2 start and has
absolutely obliterated the rest of the league this week. Here are my
absolutely, 74%, sort of, unbiased power rankings for the week:
12: Citizen
Kane (Previous Ranking: 11)
The least amount of points in the league, completely
horrendous pitching (his staff allows a run every two innings more or less),
Danny is going to need to make some savvy waiver wire pickups of functional
starters if he wants to bounce back. An 0-3 hole isn’t insurmountable, but this
week’s matchup against Alec is a must win.
11: Clown
Question Bro (Previous Ranking: 10)
Going from Dustin’s fantasy basketball team to his fantasy
baseball team is like being forced to move from Hawaii to 1960 East Germany.
While his honey-moon phase may not be over, reality will soon come crashing
down on our friend Dustin if he doesn’t win this week. Nothing kills fantasy
baseball fever like a slow start, but in a long season, he can turn things
around. Lets see if his fantasy basketball knowledge can translate because if
he starts to figure things out, watch out.
10: Bay
of Puigs Invasion (Previous Ranking:
8)
Alec’s team gets a ton of hits and doubles, but
unfortunately not as many home runs as he probably needs. A tough loss last
week to his personal nemesis Taylor Call must sting deeply, but a win this week
against Citizen Kane is just what the doctor ordered. Alec needs Chris Archer
to live up to preseason expectations and needs his all latino-lineup to show
some of that famed flair and passion if he wants to overcome a subpar start.
9: Maraika
Rockwood (Previous Ranking: 12)
I really love this squad. I thought they were going to pull
away with a win last week but narrowly missed out. However, this week they
showed they were the real deal. Best move of the week? Snagging Javier Baez
from the free agents. He hasn’t paid much dividends yet but I have a good
feeling about him. But don’t ask me, ask Joe
Maddon and Ben Zobrist. I like the squad, I like the management; I
thoroughly expect this team to continue winning and end Dane Jacobsen’s winning
streak this upcoming week.
8/7: Billy
Beane (Previous Ranking: 9) &
Dane Jacobsen (Previous Ranking: 6)
I’m lumping these two teams together to make a point. While
yes, they are the only two undefeated teams this year, I feel like that is more
luck than skill. They have had the two lowest amounts of points scored against
them (honestly look at the standings page, Taylor has 109 less POINTS against
him than Dane, no way that luck keeps up). However, Dane ranks seventh in
scoring and Taylor tenth. Jake Arrieta throwing a No-No for Dane and dropping
46 was an amazing performance, but I’m thinking both of these teams are due for
a sharp decline. However, like the very overrated Derek Jeter once said, the
best teams don’t win championships, the hottest ones do.
6: Bautized
unto rePencetance (Previous Ranking: 1)
I’ll admit; I was in agreement with J. Tyler Cook’s
assessment of the quality of this team at the start of the season. However,
although Bautized
unto rePencetance has a record of 2-1, I have not been impressed with
management for a few reasons, including:
(1) the
fact that he took over a week to remove Kyle Schwarber (perhaps he is as
optimistic as some
Cub’s fans).
(2) His
failure to set his lineup when Jacob DeGrom and Aaron Nola both played this
week to combine for 40 fantasy points.
I can’t drop rePencetance too low, he’s got a solid squad.
However, he won’t get away with failing to set a lineup long in this league.
5: Pitches
Be Crazy (Previous Ranking: 5)
I’m keeping Pitches
Be Crazy this high because I truly believe this was just a major off-weak
for them. However, if they have another week like last, they can expect to
plummet in the rankings. (Tylers Note) –
And they have the misfortune of going against the best team ever assembled
this week in fantasy. Hey Charlotte, you know how I just obliterated your
husband and stuffed him in a fantasy baseball locker? Well, get ready for a
gentlemen’s pitch
slap at the hand of my boys this week. Nothing makes us happier than
beating a DeBaltzo. But good work so far on your team.
4: SHARK
areNADO (Previous Ranking: 3)
Corry’s team had a little bit of bad luck last week, as
Maraika’s team came out of nowhere to lay a beat down on him, but Corry’s 1-2
record is misleading. Fourth in the league in fantasy points (a better
indicator for future performance than record) and led by Nolan Arenado and some
savvy pickups, I could see Corry going on a little hot streak right here. With
five pitchers going on Monday, don’t be surprised if Corry takes down the
undefeated Billy Beane and is the high scorer this week. Plus, his attendance
in tonight’s game in Coors field in Colorado to scout Gregory Polance, Chad
Bettis and Nolan Arenado will only inspire the players to do well.
3: Michigan
Cougars (Previous Ranking: 7)
Although critiqued as the Pitching equivalent of a “butterface,”
I have to say; the Cougars’
pitching should make every team hate their bullpens – the Cougars have 55
more strikeouts than any other team! The pickup of Ryan Madson this week was
absolutely phenomenal; he has been nothing but unstoppable.
With an army of closers and so-far underperforming aces up my sleeve, the Cougars
should be topping the rankings shortly.
2: Daaaaang
Daniel (Previous Ranking: 2)
Creighton’s team is led by power hitting up the wazoo, as
him and Tyler have more than 10 home runs than the next closest teams. And for
a team owned by Creighton, it makes sense that one of his best players has the
last name Braun. Seriously, if Ryan Braun returns to steroid form (batting .364
with 5 home runs so far) Creighton may have the best lineup in the league. This
week against Sean could be huge in establishing early season dominance. As a
side note, Creighton is not too proud to go back to his days of man-handling
other men while wearing just a banana-hammock. Watch out peeps.
1: Joe Buck
Yourself (Previous Ranking: 4)
Tyler’s massive ego may stop him from learning a lesson this
but all reports suggest that he should have invested in a little better pitching.
Admittedly, Jose
Fernandez and some other starters absolutely imploded this week. Are we
seeing a pitching overhaul in the near future?
Despite my taunts, Joe
Buck Yourself has some amazing hitting and deserves to be ranked this high.
I mean, Bryce Harper hit a home run on his day off! Wow. Good play ol’
sport. And, when push comes to shove, he was able to pull out a win late
Sunday night in a highly contested matchup with the Cougars.
