All-Star Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sam DeBaltzo

           With All-Star week surrounding us, I thought it’d be appropriate to do a power rankings based on All-Star representation. With 71 players being voted to the All-Star game, 68 of them were on our teams (the only three that weren’t were middle relievers, no big surprise). Shockingly, one of us had ZERO players in the All-Star game, but I won’t ruin that sadness for Mr. ____ ahead of time. So, I’ve compiled two sets of rankings, one that just has straight number of players and one favoring starters. That ranking will be in parentheses, and is calculated by (Starter=2, Reliever=1, Pitcher=1.5). With no more further ado, here they are!

*Editor’s Note: If you find these surprisingly boring it’s because bar study has taken over my life and 90% of my wit has vanished.

1^st (Tied) – 10 Players

Wok it Out (2^nd Place in Weighted Rankings, 14 Points)

            Dane’s team had quite the representation for the All-Star game. No one really made a big splash, but that’s pretty much been his team all year: a lot of power, no real domination. Like many of his player’s teams, Wok it Out is certain to make the playoffs, and we’ll see how it goes.

Michigan Cougars (1^st Place in Weighted Rankings, 15 Points)

            Unsurprising to anyone with half a brain, the Cougars are finally in their proper place at the top of the league. Surprising, however, is the fact that the Cougars still had 10 all-stars even though perennial all-stars Zach Britton, Mad-Bum, and Mark Melancon all were injured. I mean, when a guy wins a donkey because it was his first all-star game, you know it’s a lucky year. I’m in the mood to win baseball two years in a row, so I’m looking forward to getting my name on that trophy again ;).

3^rd – 8 Players

Good Better Betts (Tied for 3^rd Place in Weighted Rankings, 11.5 Points)

            Mr. Cook gets a respectable third place, although he does win the MVP performance for the All-Star game. Mr. Cano came strong in the 10^th inning and hit the game winning home run against Wade Davis (see Shark AreNado, below). Good Better Betts had a solid lineup for the game with a couple of likely Hall of Famers in Betts, Greinke, and Cano. I think my favorite All-Star on this team though would be Luis Severino. I like young pitchers, and he looks like he has what it takes. If only he played for anyone other than the Yankees.

4^th (Tied) – 7 Players

All Brauns No Brains (Tied for 3^rd Place in Weighted Rankings, 11.5 Points)

            Somehow Creighton does it again. I think we’ve all finally made it to the point where we’re shocked at how well Creighton does. However, I don’t think anyone was expecting Creighton to get by far the biggest steal of the year. Aaron Judge was an undrafted free agent in this league and has by far paid some of the best dividends. Also, the media can’t shut up about him. Although this is one of my favorite posts of all time.

Maraika Rockwood (5^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 9.5 Points)

            Maraika’s All-Stars show the extreme talent in hitting her team has. She’s struggled lately, but losing the best player in baseball (Mr. Trout still has no equals) for a couple of months will do that to you. I don’t know if she has enough time left to make the playoffs; she would need a LOT of key losses and to win out. But, she’s still a competitor and could thwart a couple of other team’s playoff chances.

6^th – 6 Players

SHARK areNADO (6^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 9 Points)

            This surprised me the most. Corry’s team has been absolutely unstoppable this year, but not even his power rankings have put him at number 1. I love his pitching squad for the all-star game, even if Wade Davis blew it for the NL. Strasburg, Keuchel, and Kluber would be a starting three to make anyone drool (p.s., Corry’s starters that didn’t make the All-Star game were such nobodies as Jake Arrieta, David Price, Carlos Carrasco, and Cole Hamels). Yes, I hate you Corry.

7^th (Tied) – 5 Players

Billy Beane (Tied for 8^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 6.5 Points)

            Well this was a pleasant surprise. I’m pretty much resigned to roasting Taylor in every power rankings. Don’t get me wrong, this team isn’t making it to the playoffs. However, Taylor had arguably the best pitcher in the American League to start the All-Star game and could be this year’s Cy Young Award Winner. Sale was amazing in Chicago, but give him a team that is actually good and look at the wonders he can do.

Clown Question Bro (7^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 7 Points)

            Dustin’s team has struggled in the past couple of weeks, so I can’t say I’m too surprised at his place in the rankings. He has two phenomenal relievers. More important, he has a player that will be a key part in my glorious Indians’ future, at any position.

9^th – 4 Players

Schwarber? I hardly know her (Tied for 8^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 6.5 Points)

            I thought Danee was going to pull ahead in the rankings, but I think Corry secretly sabotaged her team to give him an easier path to the playoffs. Let’s be honest, husbands have done worse things before. On a baseball note, Danee wishes her hair moved like this.

10^th (Tied) – 3 Players

The Bay of Puigs Invasion (10^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 5 Points)

The usual performance from Alec. Apparently Lil Poppy isn’t helping her Daddy perform like Big Papi (I still don’t believe that that was not a factor in the baby-naming decision). Anyways, enjoy your summer with the baby, we’re expecting an improved performance come this fall.

Pitches Be Crazy (11^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 3.5 Points)

            Obviously I’m biased to this team due to its owner, but I also love the All-Stars. Lindor is one of the best things the Indians have to offer, and Kershaw (as much as I love Scherzer) is still the best pitcher in baseball, hands-down. However, despite her low ranking, Charlotte could make the playoffs if she wins out. She’s a game ahead of Dustin and Maraika and we’ll see if she can make the lead last for three more weeks!

12^th – 0 Players

Bautized unto rePencetance (12^th Place in Weighted Rankings, 0 Points)

I can honestly say I was shocked that Sean had 0 (Zero, None, Zilch, Less than One) players on the All-Star team. There were 71 players in the game, and somehow Seanyboy managed to avoid drafting any of them. That takes skill. Sean’s only redeeming feature is that he has by far my favorite old man in the game.