Courtesy of Charlotte DeBaltzo:
The first week of play has ended and the scores are in. Some teams came out swinging while others
meandered their way onto the field, unsure if they needed a glove or a
bat. There were a couple of surprising
injuries, some great pick-ups, and incredible plays, but most importantly of
all, the highlights were the players’ photos.
12: Maraika Rockwood (Maraika Rockwood)
111
Maraika Rockwood’s team had the roughest starting week in
the entire league. With total points way
below the next highest scorer, this team struggled a little, which is why
they’re ranked 12th.
Fortunately for the team, they can score points in more than just
baseball. Her team’s highest scorer was Paul Goldschmidt, with 2 home runs and
25 points. But more important than that,
Paul was voted “Most Likely To Be On The
Cover of Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition.” With this good looking hunk on her team, I’m
sure they’ll be able to turn the team around and have an amazing week.
11: Citizen Kane (Daniel Hellrung)
195 fantasy points this week
Daniel Hellrung’s week went a little better, although 11th
isn’t much of a ranking. Citizen Kane
was able to scrounge up a total of 195 points with the help of the reigning AL
MVP, Josh Donaldson, who scored a
whopping 35 points. Although he was able
to carry the team this week, in order for Citizen Kane to make it in this
league, the rest of the team needs to pick up the slack. Especially since Josh was voted “Most likely to be found naked and hungover
in the dugout.” Hopefully, for the
sake of Citizen Kane, he’ll keep it together this week so he can score those
high numbers for the team.
10: Clown Question Bro (Dustin Jensen)
196
Dustin Jensen’s Team is ranked 10th this week,
barely passing Citizen Kane. It was most
likely due to the magic of Chris Sale,
Clown Question Bro’s highest scorer.
With a total of 38 points, Sale struck out 6 hitters and had a great
week. But although he’s great at
baseball, he may not be all there mentally.
It was probably for this reason that Sale was voted “Most Likely to Laugh at Tyler Cook’s jokes.” Whether out of sympathy or misunderstanding,
it’s a fact that Sale should probably stick to his work on the baseball
diamond.
9: Billy Beane (Taylor Call)
223
With over 223 points, Taylor Call’s team is ranked 9th
this week. Although at the bottom, Billy
Beane showed some promise this upcoming week.
With their high scorer striking out 10 hitters across 7 scoreless
innings, it’s no wonder that this week should be better. Felix
Hernandez scored a total of 37 points for his team and there’s no reason he
won’t do it again. Voted “Most Likely to Provide Mediocre Customer
Service at Tiffany and Co.,” there’s a chance that he may be quit his
baseball day job. If not, Billy Beane
has potential to move up in the league.
8: The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Alec Rockwood)
231
There is a very good reason that Alec Rockwood’s team name
is The Bay of Puigs Invasion. Ranking 8th
this week, the team scored a total of 231 points with the help of their high
scorer, Yasiel Puig. Although not the highest individual scorer,
he helped his team tremendously being 3 for 4 in a win against the Padres and
scoring a total of 32 points. In part
because of this, that athletic juggernaut was voted “Most Likely to Be Mistaken for LeBron James on MLB 2K14.” That animated face will not let him down this
week.
7: Michigan Cougars (Sam DeBaltzo)
248
Sam DeBaltzo’s team was able to pull out a 7th
place ranking, with 248 points. The
Michigan Cougars must be a well-rounded team, with their high scorer only
earning the team 27 points. Even though Madison Bumgarner has a girls name, he
showed that he’s serious pitching 6 innings with only 1 run. That’s a pretty great start, even if
Madison’s family didn’t have a great start.
Voted “Most Likely To Be the
Child of a Yetti,” Madison has really made a good life for himself. Michigan Cougars would be wise to never make
him too upset.
6: Dane Jacobsen (Dane Jacobsen)
253 fantasy points this week
With the third highest scoring player this last week, Dane
Jacobsen’s team was only able to make it to a 6th place
ranking. Even though Jake Arrieta had a great week, his 47
points didn’t make up for the rest of the team not playing the best they
could. Hopefully they’ll take after
Arrieta this week, with 3 earned runs, 6 strikeouts, and no walks. He was voted “Most Likely to be Homeless in a Year,” but with the help of his
team, hopefully he’ll last a little longer than that. Jacobsen sure needs it.
5: Pitches Be Crazy (Charlotte DeBaltzo)
270
Charlotte DeBaltzo’s team is ranked 5th this week
with the help of DJ LeMahieu. LeMajieu scored a total of 30 points, which
contributed to the 270 points for Pitches Be Crazy. Even though he’s a red head, he didn’t throw
off the groove of the team, which is likely to stay closer to the top of the
rankings. LeMajieu was voted “Most likely to be used as a Pacific Island
Shrunken Head.” If he can keep his
head for the entire season, Pitches Be Crazy is the number one choice for the
championship.
4: Joe Buck Yourself (Tyler Cook)
302
Although a surprise, Tyler Cook’s team is ranked 4th
this week. With 302 points from the last
week, the prospects for the team are looking good. The highest scorer was Robinson Cano, scoring 2 home runs and earning a total of 31
points. Even though this was a great
thing, he was voted “Most Likely to have turned to baseball after failing a GQ photoshoot.”
If Cano doesn’t end up in a magazine this week, or any of the following weeks,
Joe Buck Yourself is a team that could prove hard to beat.
3: SHARK areNADO (Corry Smith)
318
Ranked 3rd in the league, Corry Smith’s team
scored an amazing 318 points. This is a
great start for the team SHARK areNADO, and for their highest scorer Buster Posey. Posey hit a solo home run and a run against
the Dodgers and scored 29 points for the team.
This number may seem surprising coming from the player who was voted “Most Likely to Call His Mom Three Times a
Day.” But although Posey looks young
and may still need his mom, he’s a solid player on a solid team.
2: Daaaaang Daniel (Creighton Hardy)
322
Creighton Hardy’s team had an amazing week, and for that
reason, Daaaaaang Daniel ranks 2nd.
The team earned 322 points for the entire week, with Clayton Kershaw earning a whopping 53
points. Kershaw was the highest scorer
this week in the entire league and Daaaaaang Daniel is lucky to have him. He struck out five batters and is an
indispensable asset for the team, although he may be dangerous. He was voted “Most Likely to Kill Someone with His Chin.” If he can keep the chin under control,
Daaaaaang Daniel is one of the best teams in the league.
1: Bautized unto rePencetance (Sean Rockwood)
366
The highest scoring team last week is Sean Rockwood’s team,
Bautized unto rePencetance. The team’s
total score was 366, way ahead of the rest of the pack. One reason for this might be thanks to the
astounding rookie Trevor Story. Beginning his career with 51 points, his
season looks great. It will be tough to
beat Bautized unto rePencetance, but there is a chance. Especially since Story was voted “Most Likely to Have No Idea What’s Going
On, But Still Hit Home Runs.”
Hopefully he can keep that up, or Bautized unto rePencetance may fall
from the number 1 ranking.
