Courtesy of Tyler Cook
You see, it's the
slow knife... the knife that takes its time, the knife that waits years without
forgetting, then slips quietly between the bones... that's the knife that cuts
deepest. – Dark Knight Rises
Remember when we played fantasy baseball (now starting up
again soon), and it literally took the best player on my team dying for you all
to defeat me (Literally all, I vanquished every one of you). You may have
forgotten, since it has been a long time. I on the other hand, have waited this
year without forgetting, planning, plotting my vengeance. While you fantasy
mortals sleep, I lay in bed and wait.
I waited patiently for this fantasy season. What a season of
fantasy basketball it has been. Sean was the overwhelming favorite throughout
the year who had his team decimated by trades and injuries, which left the
throne wide open for any suitor to come and take it. And who else would you
expect to thrive in this chaos but myself? To you all, chaos is a pit, but to me,
it is a ladder. A ladder I have climbed and climbed and climbed to get to where
I am today. Your soon to be fantasy basketball champion.
A lesser man would talk smack to Creighton, making fun of
his hot bod, small mouth and his ginger hair. I however, am a gentlemen, and
would never mention those things. James Harden and Isaiah Thomas have been
absolutely amazing for him, but my team has something not measured in fantasy
points… GUTS.
This league was over the second I saw a tweet that revealed
Kevin Love was returning two weeks earlier than expected. Now, with Lebron,
Drummond, Love, Carmelo and the recent 70 point scorer Devin Booker at the
helm, my team is near unbeatable. I look forward to what should be an epic
matchup with Creighton. I know this analysis isn’t numbers heavy, but I predict
a thorough beatdown reminiscent of the beatdown his anus took every night when
he roomed with Phil Barnes (Love you Creighton).
Guys, it has been a great season. And we have two more weeks
to enjoy. So sit back and watch as two fantasy giants vie for the crown. Both
teams deserve it and have saved their best ball for the best time, but
unfortunately, one run has to end. I predict a close victory for the Pippens
Aint Easys and a fantasy basketball championship to accompany my prior football
championship.
