2016 Baseball Finals Preview - Joe Buck Yourself

Courtesy of J. Tyler Cook

Charlotte is dead, Dane is in a dumpster somewhere, and now the mighty Joe Buck Yourselves have their eyes set on the prize with only Sam Debaltzo in my way. Sam must be shaking in his boots with nightmares of Hanley Ramirez and Joey Votto batting the way that they are. Kind of interesting that my three biggest haters and fantasy rivals are Charlotte, Dane and Sam. Well, this couldn’t be working out more perfectly could it? Was I sad my buddy Dustin didn’t make it to the championship? Sure. But there is something poetic about avenging my friend by taking down the last of my three greatest enemies.

Many of you have treated me as if I were a villain in the league this year. But the bottom line is you made me that way. I just wanted to be one of the guys, playing baseball with my bros. I just wanted to be accepted. But when some friendly smack-talk (defacing Sam and Charlotte’s wedding invitation) got blown out of proportion, a target was put on my back. I’ve been called a BBB Bond in AAA clothing or something like that, a phony, even Maraika Rockwood commented on a post piling on. I knew the time of friendship had ended, and I knew I had to become the monster you thought I was. Well congratulations league, a monster you have created. Like Victor Frankenstein, this monster has grown too strong and powerful to be stopped by your mere mortal teams. When will you learn to not poke the sleeping, pacified bear?

So why will I beat Sam? Why will I win yet another fantasy championship? Derek Jeter (Yuck) once said that the best teams don’t win championships, the hottest teams do. Well lucky for me my team is the best and hottest so kind of a double whammy. I’d like to highlight four reasons directly:

1.  Hanley Ramirez – Wow what a pick by Tyler late in the draft. A personal favorite Hanley single handedly swept the Yankees this week with 9 hits in 4 games including 4 Home Runs. Over his last 21 games, Hanley has 12 Homers and 29 RBIs. Talk about a hot streak.

2.  Joey Votto – Four for Four with a homer yesterday, Votto has been the best player in baseball since the all-star break. All the guy does is get on base, and has some power to boot. Hitting over 400 the past month and the league leader in On Base Percentage. Like Hanley, Votto is peaking at the right time.

3.  Gary Sanchez – He is batting .327 with 16 homers, which are good season numbers for someone of his position. But here is the catch (nailed it), he has only been playing since AUGUST. The guy hits three homers a week for me, and is the second fastest player to hit 16 career homers since 1900. What an advantage in a relatively weak position.

4.  My Closers – Yeah Sam has some good closers too, but my guys are just better and of a more diverse cultural background. My starters are good enough (Thanks to Jon Grays Complete Game Shut Out with 16 K’s on Saturday) and I’ll be hosting yet another fantasy trophy over my head come seasons end.

As far as fantasy baseball goes, we have done well this year. But being the villain, this league wants me in the championship. They NEED me in the championship. I’m everyone's favorite bad guy, but this isn’t a fairy tale. Sam is about to learn the lesson that nice guys finish last, and good guys don’t always win.

Football Preseason Power Rankings 2016

Preseason Power Rankings

Basketball, fun. Baseball is cool. But fantasy football is like the Rose Bowl… the “Grand Daddy of Them All.” Or as you guys should know it as, “The quest for second place.” Hey, there ain’t no shame in being second best. As the best looking person in this league, league champion, and league commissioner it is safe to say that my opinions are essentially facts. So with that in mind, here is the definitive list of whose team is good and whose team is bad for this year. Just like I nailed Dane sucking at fantasy baseball, I will nail this years football picks. I didn’t try and make this funny, just a brief rundown of how I see things happening this year. Gift of prophecy my friends, read about it.

12. Dane Jacobson – The fantasy sports Dane cycle, I hate on dane’s draft, Dane proves me wrong, we become fantasy enemies. Lather, rinse, repeat. That being said Dane had some intriguing choices to say the least, and I actually really respect it. Maybe Cam Newton was ranked 30, but Dane took him 5. Smart or dumb, I actually really respect someone who has their own strategy. I mean, Cam led the league in points last year. However, doubling down and taking Brady a few rounds later is a ballsy choice. I think Doug Martin is due to regress, but Dane’s problem is depth. Marvin Jones, Jacob Tamme, and Ameer Abdullah starting will just not cut it. They should all essentially be bench players. However, if he can fetch something for Cam or Brady he could rocket up.

11. Sam Debaltzo – Depth depth depth depth. That is the name of this game, and while most teams are top heavy, it is the WR3 and Flex positions that make or break a team. Bottom line, Michael Thomas a starting receiver is a massive liability, and his massive army of tight ends will not make up for that (unless he trades). However, these rankings assume no trades so sorry Sammy boy. That being said, love the Big Ben – Antonio Brown combo, and Watkins highest one of the highest upsides in the league. Intriguing.

10. Austin Jones – Drafting with Austin was amazing, as he hated his own picks maybe one second after clicking the submit button. His team is essentially all broncos and ex-broncos. I actually think his team is just solid across the board, with AP and Jordy being the only potential stars. That being said, having Yeldon (A Jaguars backup) starting is not good. Rest of his team is extremely dependable and I think he just has a high floor – low ceiling squad.

9. Creighton Hardy – Creighton has an extremely fascinating receiving corps, as they are solid yardage high TD type guys. The classic debate is Yards vs TDs, and in this case, I’m worried that Baldwin, Dez, and Benjamin will not score as much as they have previously healthy years. Rashad Jennings at flex is meh and I’m low on Freeman. However, Langford and Fleener were great picks late. If Creighton checks, this team can make some noise.

8. Sean Rockwood – Probably the best receiving corps in the league, just an absurd trio of Julio, Evans and Allen. However, the rest of his team leaves a lot to be desired. I’m not sure if Murray is even the best RB on his own team, and the Woodhead/Gordon combo should be solid but difficult to play them both at once (as his lineup currently indicates). If Ivory can bust out and stay healthy, he vaults up the rankings.

7. Charlotte Debaltzo – Like her team, very solid top to bottom. Beckham is a sure-fire star, and she has no major weak spots. Ryan Matthews is made of glass though, and Zach Ertz has been all potential no production. Solid team, middle of the pack.

6. Dustin Jensen – Maybe I’m biased because I love Dustin, but this is more a reflection of him as a fantasy competitor than his team. What I love about Dustin is he cares and he is competitive. He has a healthy pride that vaults his team and makes him get every ounce out of them. I think Hurns regresses and Gio Bernard may be a weak spot, but Dustin will find a way to make this team a playoff team.

5. Corry Smith – Corry probably takes the mantle as the person who took most of the players I wanted. Foster and Jordan Reed both fell way further than they should have. Outside of Sean, he probably has the best receivers in the league (better if you include Flex) and his RB’s are solid. However, what he lacks is depth. The things with these rankings is they assume health, and with Arian Foster (and maybe even Murray), that is a risky proposition. If one of them gets hurt (and I think one will) it will cripple him without waiver wire savvy.

4. Taylor Call – Arguably the meanest most evil person I have ever met, Taylor is always deemed as a nice, sweet kid by you brainless idiots. I don’t know how he has pulled the wool over your eyes all these years, but I may not be kidding when I say he was my college bully. That being said, I love his team. Gronk is absurdly good and a huge advantage, Charles and Forte are older but so dependable, and Cooks, Fitzgerald and Crabtree are just solid across the board. Duke Johnson has upside at the flex, and I think his team is just a better version of Austins.

3. Maraika Rockwood – She has great depth, Rawls as her THIRD RB, and young WRs that have had solid years who I project to be better (Brown and Lockett). Brees and David Johnson were both STEALS at their draft position and I think she did a great job of taking what she was given. Torry Smith on the bench will end up being a steal, and probably will start for her by the end of the year. Depth, High Floor and High Upside… good work.

2. Alec Rockwood – The best RB’s in the league bar none in Lamar Miller and Zeke Elliot, Alec has a great team (if he actually checks). Hilton, Cobb and Sanders are all just tiny fast black guys who rack up yards and have QB upgrades this year that will benefit them even more, and Rivers is a gunslinger. Floyd and Barnidge are solid at the end of the lineup and Ajayi and Forsett are solid backups. One of the best benches in the league.

1. Tyler Cook – Death, taxes, and me ranking myself first in fantasy sports. My team motto is “Who needs a qb” as I have just absurd depth at RB and WR. Leveon Bell is the best player in fantasy when not suspended, Josh Gordon was the best WR in fantasy when he last played, and I have just absurd depth. I project a slow start as my best players return, but once unsuspended my team will take off. I can figure out QB and TE later as I’ll prob trade off my backups for functional starters. Can’t wait to beat ya’ll again this year.

Week 13 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sam DeBaltzo

For this week's power rankings, I have offered my assessment based on the production of each player, on average, for each team.* The average may be skewed by acquisitions; however, it is interesting to note that the teams with the most acquisitions are clearly ranked higher than those that haven't.**

There is certain to be some displeasure with these rankings as they totally mix up from last time (although I don’t think anyone will be upset about Joe Buck Yourself’s ranking).

            To briefly summarize the stats, I have analyzed each teams players’ contribution per day. This is separated into Batters, Relievers, and Starting Pitchers. Attached here are the stats and here is a guide to reading the spreadsheet. I have ranked the teams based on which team has the most average points per game per player.

*Disclaimers:

1. This doesn't take into account players' injuries; instead, this is a measure of how much each player has contributed thus far. Therefore, an injured play that is now healthy could bring up the average by the end of the season. However, it is possible that other, currently healthy players get injured, so there is always a tradeoff.

2. Obviously people drop and add players all the time. This does not account for that. For this reason I have put how many acquisitions players have made. Whether the number of acquisitions should skew the averages up or down is up to you. However, this does account for how much the current players on each team (as of June 26) have contributed and thus are expected to contribute for the rest of the season.

**Don't tell any of the players at the bottom half of the rankings, they obviously haven't figured this out yet.

With no further ado, I present to you the Midseason Prediction of Final Rankings!

12. Citizen Kane (Previously 11)

            One of the most difficult jobs in making weekly power rankings is trying to find the proper balance between just tearing into Citizen Kane for being almost nonexistent this season while still being nice enough to get them to perform. Regardless, Kane seems determined to stick with the team they drafted, as they are the only team in the league to make 0 acquisitions all season.

11. Billy Beane (Previously 8)

            With a name like Billy Beane, they have got to love the stats in these week’s power rankings. However, these stats look more like the Athletics in Moneyball when the Phillip Seymour Hoffman*** just refused to play the right players. They have made three acquisitions, which is more than Bautized, All Brauns, Maraika, and Citizen Kane (which blows my mind, 6 players with 3 or less acquisitions), but they might need a little more to bring them out of the gutter.

***R.I.P. - Be a heroine, don't do heroin.

10. Maraika Rockwood (Previously 7)

            I had soooo much faith in Maraika, but she has let me down. She has a great record, way better than her other half, but I’m committed to the stats this week. She has an easy win this week but, based on my projections, she’s only going down. A significant change may occur if she starts making some acquisitions; for some reason she has kept Kevin Kiermaier and Lucas Duda all season, both of whom have been injured for over a month and have combined to give Maraika only 174 points all season; that’s less than how many times each team scores a week (*most weeks J).

9. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previously 12)

            Bay of Puigs has a worse record than even Citizen Kane, which is impressive in of itself. Bravo: despite having the fifth batter avg/game, you are the Biggest Loser.

8. All Brauns No Brains (Previously 5)

            I have not seen a waste of such good draft talent since Cleveland’s support of LeBron in the early 2000s. All Brauns had a great start to the season, and could continue to go strong, but they’ve refused to make more than 1 acquisition despite being riddled with injuries. If Kershaw’s injury is season ending, consider All Brauns’ season gone. I’d put money on that.

7. Bautized unto rePencetance (Previously 8)

            Bautized shares the leading average of relievers per game, although there is only a two pitcher sample-size, making it somewhat less impressive. Regardless, Bautized is a solid middle of the pack team and appears to be a lock for a win this week. They face Pitches Be Crazy next week and that could be Bautized’s chance to both (1) bring their record up to .500 and (2) rise in the rankings. We’ll see what happens!

6. Joe Buck Yourself (Previously 1)

            I still think Joe Buck Yourself is a phenomenal team, but I swore in these rankings I’d stick to the stats. Despite leading the league in relievers’ average per game, Joe Buck Yourself’s starters are heavily underperforming, as Eduardo Rodriguez is fighting tooth and nail to prove that the Sophomore Slump is a fact. Also, it doesn’t help that Bautized is absolutely destroying Joe Buck Yourself this week.

5. Pitches Be Crazy (Previously 4)

            The Jenny to my Kevin, Pitches has been an impressive first year contender. After  a couple of rough losses, Pitches has rebounded well and holds a 7-5 record. She is in a tough matchup with CQB this week; the winner could have a significant effect on next week rankings. What can I say, she’s amazing. As the mother of my future child (doesn’t that thing look like an alien?) you know she’s gonna be a winner.

4. Michigan Cougars (Previously 6)

            What most surprised me about the statistics was how low my reliever average is. I had thought that I had an impervious army of relievers, it seems that honor should actually go to Joe Buck Yourself, with an average of 2.55, tied with Bautized but with an extra reliever. The Butterface squad has certainly maintained quality starters, as the starters have the second highest average per game of 2.72. More importantly, CLEVELAND IS ON A ROLL AND JUST WON IN 19 INNINGS!!! It’s a Clevelander’s year to win, and I’m feeling it.

3. Clown Question Bro (Previously 10)

            CQB is one of the most interesting teams in these rankings because of his relievers, or should I say the lack thereof. CQB is the only team in the league that has decided to go with no relievers. CQB’s starters have and will perform well, as CQB is ranked fourth in SP Avg/Game. However, the real lifesaver for CQB is that his lack of relievers means, unlike the other teams with better starters, his total pitcher average per game is not brought down by poor relievers. Michigan Cougars, Wok it Out, and SHARK areNADO all have better starters, but their relievers pull their total pitcher average per game below CQB’s. CQB has the worst record of any of the teams in the new top six but he is certain to improve.

2. Wok it Out (Previously 2)

            I admit that I was a disbeliever of Wok it Out at first, putting their amazing record up only to strength of schedule. However, they have shown that they are real contenders. They have the lowest B-P differential of -.07, showing that their pitchers only score slightly more per game that their batters (you're welcome for Justin Verlander). They currently have the highest Pitchers' average per game and are crushing it in starting pitchers, scoring .11 more per game than any other team and scoring 1.2 more that Citizen Kane, who has the worst pitching. They're going to be a tough contender and will continue the success they've seen so far; and it won't just be thanks to their schedule.

1. SHARK areNADO (Previously 3)

            Despite their 5 losses, SHARK has become a huge force to reckon with this past month. They have the highest batter average per game of 2.65, over .16 higher than the next contender. They are currently being bludgeoned by Wok it Out, but given their current team composition, even a loss this week  will not stop the upward trend they’re on.

Week 11 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Corry Smith

(How Michigan Cougars feel about the rankings)

Hey guys, I know that there were a lot of changes from last week, but almost every game was an upset, and almost everyone’s record is within one game of each other. So there was deservedly a lot of movement. Highest move: Pitches Be Crazy (4 spots) Lowest move: Michigan Cougars (4 spots)

12. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previous: 11) 2-8

In a week when all of the underdogs seemed to take down the favorites, Puigs missed the memo and didn’t even show up to the game against Joe Buck Yourself. The team’s losing streak has now reached a bismal 6 games. The last time they won, they were sitting at .500. Now, any chance at .500 seems highly unlikely.

11. Citizen Kane (Previous: 12) 2-8

Though their season is still a disappointment, Kane showed some signs of life this week, putting up the fourth most points in the league and earning a rare win. Though a drastic change for the team seems unlikely, this win was still enough to move up in the power rankings.

10. Clown Question Bro (Previous: 9) 3-7

While they had a great win, putting up the most points in the league, CQB’s record is still in a bad place as they sit 4 games back. While they did score more points last week than usual, this week’s outburst seems like an exception. The next few weeks give CQB some favorable matchups and some good chances to win and improve their record so that they can get some more respect in these rankings. They scored a ton and won, but they’re still 3-7.

9. Billy Beane (Previous: 7) 5-5

The Beanes have lost 3 straight games to see their record drop to .500. 2 of those 3 losses were against teams that had a worse record, or equal record, which Billy should have won. Their current losing streak is a bad indication of where this team is headed. And scoring the least amount of points last week and the second least points this week is further evidence that this team needs a change, and fast.

8. Bautized unto rePencetance (Previous: 5) 5-5

They lost to Citizen Kane, who I’m pretty sure doesn’t even have a real manager. They’re stats are all middle of the pack, as is their record. Unless Bautized can find a spark, it looks like their season will continue to be mediocre.

7. Maraika Rockwood (Previous: 10) 5-5

Maraika managed to pull out the win over favored All Braun No Brains. Like many of the other teams, they need some spark to separate themselves from the rest of the league. This past week, Maraika’s pitching accounted for just 32% of the team’s points, so some pitching change could be the spark they’re looking for.

6. Michigan Cougars (Previous: 2) 6-4

Michigan scored the second to least points this week. The number 2 in a league can’t do that. Their record is middle of the pack, with everyone else. Not a lot to say. They’ve got to find a way to separate themselves if they want to be contenders..

5. All Braun, No Brains (Previous: 4) 6-4

The only reason Braun is ranked above Michigan is because they scored 5 more points than Michigan. They lost to Maraika, though, and look average. They need to pull together a winning streak if they want to still be ranked this high in a month’s time.

4. Pitches be Crazy (Previous: 8) 6-4

Honestly, Pitches doesn’t seem too different from a lot of the other teams in the league except that they won this week over the favored Billy Beane, whereas most of the other similar records lost. It was a needed victory to avoid falling out of the playoff picture. But they’ll need to put up significantly more points this next week to compete with Wok. The next week should help reveal if this team deserves its high spot in the rankings.

3. SHARK areNADO (Previous: 5) 5-5

We’ve been saying it all season, but Shark’s record continues to be misleading as the team consistently puts up high points. This week, they played the previously #2 Michigan Cougars and took the sure victory. But no matter how good the team may perform, at some point the record needs to start reflecting the stats or this team may find itself missing the postseason entirely.

2. Wok it Out (Previous: 3) 8-2

While the team did lose due to CQB having an unexpected monster performance, an 8-2 record this far into the season is a sign of a great team. While most of the league is within 1 game of each other and find themselves in the middle of the pack, Wok still has a comfortable 3 game lead.

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Previous: 1) 7-3

Once again, Joe was the best. Putting up more points than any other team helped retain the team’s dominance while playing a weak opponent. This is definitely the team to beat.

Week 9 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sam DeBaltzo

Well, I’m going to take a departure from the traditional TV themed rankings and go back to cold, hard statistics. The rankings are based on: Total Points For, Total Points Against, and Win-Loss Record. I have given more weight to Points For and Win-Loss Record (link attached). Short bios for each team, but I hope you enjoy!

Citizen Kane (Previously 12, Currently T-11)

I almost have nothing to say here. I feel bad that this is the highest Citizen Kane has been ranked in a while, and he’s only ranked 11 because it’s in a tie. I want to bash on them, but it seems unfair to bash on someone that has both ignored trash talking and has failed to make a single move this season. They are in dead last and I fully expect them to stay that way, save by some miracle Kane’s players play beyond their wildest dreams.

The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previously 8, Currently T-11)

Again, my main complaint (and what I believe the reason for their poor performance) is that Bay of Puigs has only made two acquisitions all season. I’ll put it off to having faith in his team. However; his record, total points scored, and the amount of points scored against him suggest that a new strategy may be in store.

Maraika Rockwood (Previously 11, Currently 10)

Like husband, like wife. That’s all folks.

Clown Question Bro (Previously 10, Currently 9)

I give CQB an “A” for effort. Unfortunately, the effort has not transposed to success thus far this season. Where CQB is about as opposite in manager involvement as possible from the three preceding teams, he hasn’t been able to convert the involvement to wins. Because I am a committed roster-tinkerer, I have faith that CQB’s efforts will pay off eventually. We just have to hope that his 1-7 record does not discourage him too much. If nothing else, he may have learned some lessons going into next year’s draft.

Pitches Be Crazy (Previously 7, Currently 8)

Since I have by far the most interaction with this team’s owner, I feel somewhat a vested interest in their success. The batting has been admirable and Pitches leads the league in walks received. However, the pitching has been rather lacking. Fortunately, the waiver wire has been quite kind this year to teams looking for improved pitching. We will have to see if Pitches is able to take advantage of it in the coming weeks.

Billy Beane (Previously 9, Currently 7)

I just watched Moneyball this week, so my love for Taylor’s team has once again been renewed. More importantly, the character played by Jonah Hill (they gave him a fake name for the movie), was hired by the Cleveland Browns this year as their Chief Strategy Officer. These rankings are in no way affected by personal preference, but that still makes me smile every time I see his team.

Bautized Unto rePencetance (Previously 6, Currently T-5)

Stat-wise, Bautized was winning in only two categories, losses (pitchers) and blown saves. However, as I tend to favor pitching, I really like the amount of losses. To give some perspective, Joe Buck yourself has 28 losses for the season, meaning Bautized has saved 10 points a week in comparison. That may not seem like much, but Bautized has won 3 of his games by 20 points or less. Well played ol’ boy.

Shark areNADO (Previously 3, Currently T-5)

This was probably the ranking I most disagreed with, as Shark areNADO’s slow start to the season has hurt him in these statistical rankings. The past two weeks have been beautiful to watch, as areNADO outscored the rest of the league by 80 points this last week (although the points were not exactly necessary to bludgeon the already-hemorrhaging CQB

All Brauns No Brains (Previously 4, Currently 4)

All Brauns is clear proof that you don’t need (1) any knowledge about professional baseball, (2) to make many acquisitions (they have made only one), and (3) to have Brains (it’s the name, nothing personal) in order to be good at fantasy baseball. I’ll push it off to sheer luck, perhaps his new Ohio good luck charm is all he needs:

Wok It Out (Previously 5, Currently 3)

My favorite thing about Wok It Out right now would be their acquisition of Justin Verlander. I was frustrated with his slow start to the season and dropped him three weeks ago, and he has been on fire since then. It was a great catch by Wok It Out and should turn into a great pickup for him. Outside of pitching, Wok has a loaded offense and some great bench players. It’s a good team and has consistently shown up when it needs to, losing only one game all season. The matchup this week against Joe Buck Yourself will be the chance he needs to prove himself even further.

Michigan Cougars (Previously 2, Currently 2)

I love my team; that’s all I can say. Despite being pitching-heavy, the Cougars have made crucial batting additions throughout the season to make the offensive end of their lineup solid, albeit lacking flash or mind-blowing stats. The pitching continues to lead the league, the Cougars having thrown 70 more strikeouts than any other team and 7 more wins. Not to mention, the closers for the Cougars are tied with Joe Buck Yourself at 43 saves.

Joe Buck Yourself (Previously 1, Currently 1)

Despite the joy I received watching Mr. Cook lose just two weeks ago, I have to admit that he is still the best team in the league. I am excited for the Wok It Out-Joe Buck Yourself matchup this week, and am with Dane in wondering how far Tyler will go to replace me as godfather. Nothing else to say or I might risk fanning Tyler’s ego.

Week 8 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Creighton Hardy:

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . .

There were 12 teams duking it out for absolute supremacy in the illustrious art of picking random athletes whose individual performance they would suddenly care about for a longer than normal period of time, otherwise known as Fantasy Baseball. Decisive victories had been won, heart crushing losses suffered, all to determine who would gain much coveted bragging rights, or just the opportunity to shut Tyler up for a little bit (Haters). All of the team managers were masters of their Force(s), but it became apparent that the balance was shifted in favor of those who were clearly more knowledgeable of the skills necessary to be a Master Baseball Jedi (or just really lucky in a lot of cases). In the eighth week of this legendary conflict,

12. Citizen Kane (Kylo Ren) (Previously 12)

Team Citizen Kane can be most easily compared to the brand new Kylo Ren. While the team may be young, inexperienced, and misguided by a complete lack of information about the true nature of his good old grandpa Vadar, there is always time to come back to the light side. If only Citizen Kane had the power to freeze some of those pitches the way Kylo freezes lasers, they might be able to hit a few more of them.

11. Maraika Rockwood (Aayla Secura) (Previously 10)

She may be one of the only female Jedis on the council, but she sure doesn’t act like it. Maraika Rockwood’s team is in the middle of the fray week after week, not backing down from a fight just because her gender may be in the minority. Mad props for that. However, they are going to have to start turning things around in the coming weeks if they are going to avoid the Order 66 that is to come at the end.

10. Clown Question Bro (Darth Maul) (Previously 11)

Don’t let the excessive makeup fool you, Clown Question Bro is for reals in this tournament. Hidden beneath a hood of secrecy is a phantom menace poised to attack when you least expect. Hopefully you are a little smarter than the Republic and at least know he exists. If not prepare to receive a double-ended lightsaber right through the belly.

9. Billy Beane (Ki-Adi mundi) (Previously 8)

Billy Beane had a big win this week and exemplified the courage and leadership of Ki-Adi Mundi. Rather than having his thoughts dwell on his mother, he went to work.  As a stone cold killer, he went to work as if it was the Battle of Mygeeto. But watch out, Order 66 may very well be coming for you too.

8. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Darth Sideous/ Emporor Palpatine) (Previously 9)

The Bay of Puigs Invasion may look like a mild mannered political idealist, but it could be said that he is just orchestrating a phenomenal rise to power like the evil Darth Sidious. His team might resemble a human avocado husk, but make no mistake there is power hidden in that lineup that will shock you if you’re not careful.

7. Pitches Be Crazy (Rey) (Previously 7)

Who knew that in the wastelands of Ann Arbor, a manifestation of Fantasy Baseball Force could be found in the form of Pitches Be Crazy? Just like Rey, this team finds themselves surprisingly powerful and with a little training from E.T.’s mom, they might be able to access enough hidden power to beat much more experienced combatants.

6. Bautized Unto Repencetance (Luke Skywalker) (Previously 6)

From humble beginnings, Bautized Unto Repencetance has truly emerged as a prodigy that will not be stopped. You’ll have to do a lot more than vaporize his aunt and uncle to stop him from putting the hurt on your team. With 1,923 total points, Bautized Unto Repencetance is on the cusp of making major stride up the rankings, if only he can keep his throwing hand from getting chopped off. For now he’s staying about as hot as the inside of a Ton-ton, Luke warm.

5. Wok it Out (Qui-Gon Jin) (Previously 3)

With the best record in the league right now, Wok it Out truly has learned the secret to immortality. With the intuitive management of affairs often in defiance of those more experienced than himself in the Baseball Fantasy Force, Wok it Out has been a dominant force in the league. We will see if his skills are adequate with darker forces yet to come, but come on, it’s Liam Neeson, he can handle it.

4. All Braun No Brains (Obi-Wan-Kenobi) (Previously 2)

Though young, inexperienced and bit head-strong, All Braun no Brains has proven that he is ready to face the trials ahead. Although suffering a terrible loss this week, his last words will still haunt us and continue to shape the league, “You can’t win Darth. If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

3. Shark areNADO (Mace Windu) (Previously 5)

You can’t have a power ranking with Jedis and not have Mace Windu in there somewhere towards the top, and that is precisely where Shark areNado belongs. With their particular lineup, it is fitting to compare it to the purple lightsaber wielding Master of the Force, Samuel L. Jackson. With enough skill to corner any enemy, lets hope he has the wisdom to wind up a little faster and dispatch his opponents before they shock him by negating his strong throwing hand.

2. Michigan Cougars (Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vadar) (Previously 4)

Friend or foe? You’ll never really know until it’s too late with the Michigan Cougars. One minute you think the game is in the bag, next thing you know his pitchers come out throwing peeps down the glowing shaft with no safety guards near it. With such an active manager but such stiff competition, it’s hard to tell if this will be the team of prophecy to bring balance to the league. Whether you’re a youngling team or a team of screaming tusken raiders, you best watch out, because the Michigan Cougars will show no mercy.

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Yoda) (Previously 1)

The unquestionably most powerful Jedi master should be compared to the team in the league with a considerable lead on its opponents. Joe Buck Yourself, like Master Yoda, can be underestimated easily by its size and confusing and profuse manner of speaking, but just wait until his team starts swinging. Joe Buck Yourself can dispatch opponents as easily as Yoda takes care of rogue clone troopers. But one has to wonder, is it likely that he’ll keep up this high-energy performance or will his experience and vast knowledge of the Force win the day? Either way at the moment, his opponents are just waiting for him to die and disappear so that they can take his place as the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy.

Week 7 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Dustin Jensen:

    Greetings fellow Crapstone Fantasy Leaguers!  I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful summer weather.  To continue the trend of comparing GMs to characters, this week I will be comparing every team member to a character of Daredevil on Netflix.  The rankings are going to be primarily based on SOS, Points scored, and record.  Let’s get this party started.

12. Citizen Kane (Previously 12, Currently 12)

Character: Anatoly Ranskahov

    Citizen Kane again finds himself at the bottom of the League, still an Ofer, and struggling to find north.  In a terrible combination CK has scored the fewest points, but has the second highest points scored against him, for a league-high deficit of -563.  Yikes.  CK, Much like Ranskahov, feels overpowered.  In both cases instead of finding a way out of an overpowering situation, in the end, the only attention received was decapitation by unpitying competitors.

11. Clown Question Bro (Previously 11, Currently 11)

Character: Ben Urich

    Clown Question Bro has had the league’s highest points scored against him at 1938.  Only one team in the league has scored that many points up to this point, and that is Joe Buck Yourself (2077).  Call it bad luck, at the end of the day it is what it is.  When Ben Urich found himself in a writing slump, instead of basking in the glory days of the past, he dug his heels in and kept working at the next great write.  CQB has done just that by refusing to bask in the amazing glittery and fantastic basketball win, by picking up his first baseball win and finishing in scoring near the middle of the pack (7th) through the year.  This team may not be great, but it’s certainly better than the 1-5 record it sports right now.  Even if CQB ends up getting strangled like Ben, at least CQB will go down swinging.

10.  Maraika Rockwood (Previously 10, Currently 10th)

Character: Leland Owlsley

    Caught in a three-way tie for 2-4, Wooden-rock has to be ranked the lowest.  MR has put up enough points to beat out Citizen Kane in the Points For category.  That’s it.  Had Maraika had opponents score more than the fourth-lowest scoring total against her, then I seriously doubt the 2-4 record would be intact.  I compared MR to Leland.  Leland’s smart, but certainly the weakest among villains of equal power under Fisk.

9.  The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previously 8, Currently 9)

Comparison: Vladimir Ranskahov

    I really couldn’t justify putting Bay of Puigs ahead of ShArK AREnado because of scoring. Vladimir was better than his brother, Antoly, but certainly on a lower plane than the other mob bosses. Compare Bay of Puigs to Shark AreNaDo.  BOP points for – 1601 Shark – 1757.  Points against 1617 vs 1739.  The end.

8. Billy Beane (Previously 5, Currently 8)

Comparison: Foggy Nelson

    WHAT?  Is Dustin on pot? Isn’t Billy Beane 4-2?  Ok look, but I’m not sorry for the drop.  Billie Bob can get really mad at me this week but I can’t sit here and pretend that Billy deserves the previous ranking of 5. This has to stop.  While Billy has a 4-2 record, it’s not going to stand for very long.  (Ok that hyperlink is great, if it’s the only one you check out, do it) BB’s scoring total is good for 10th in the league.  10 out of 12.  Ok, so that obviously means his opponents have crapped eggs all season, right?  Well, ya, only the lowest scoring total.  He’s just incredibly lucky up to this point.  Is it any wonder Beanie Baby is on a two game losing streak?  This is beyond east vs. west in NBA and I stand by the rank.  Foggy might be Daredevil’s friend, but he always turns on Daredevil and fails at being a physical force enough to just anger you and wonder if you really like him as a character.  The 4-0 start will only end up being noise unless some serious changes come soon.

7.  Pitches Be Crazy (Previous ranking 9, Currently 7)

Comparison: Karen Page

    Pitches Be Crazy is a team I have a hard time pegging.  The team isn’t bad, but it’s not great either.  It’s like (and I mean nothing bad against Charlotte, her team and the following comparisons are completely coincidental, Charlotte is lovely) trying to decide if Karen Paige is attractive or not.  Some episodes it’s like, ew…no.  Then other episodes, you are second guessing your initial opinion a bit.  Pitches won the first two, then lost three, then won one.  Points for and against are in the middle.  I’m having a hard time deciding if this team is headed up or down.  Only time will tell.

6.  Bautized unto rePencetance (Previously 6, Currently 6)

Comparison: Vanessa 

    Bautized is doing pretty good in the league so far.  Again sitting in the middle of the pack like Pitches Be Crazy, who knows where this team will go?  Management involvement has kept the team afloat, and with continued support this team could be in the top 5 soon.  You can look at 2 losses against Joe Buck Yourself and All Braun No Brains as an excuse or of promise with an easier schedule looming.  Your choice.  I chose to compare Bautized to Vanessa because Vanessa was an artist without much power, however, near the end of season one she suddenly became the right-hand-woman to the most powerful man in the city.  Potential, it’s a dangerous word.

5.  SHARK areNADO (Previously 3, Currently 5)

Comparison: Nobu

    Despite the drop, Jaws has nothing to worry about.  The 2-4 record is nearly as tainted as Billy Beane’s 4-2 record, but in the opposite direction.  Shark has the 4th highest scoring total and has struggled under the burden of fighting against the 4th highest opponent score total.  After a probable loss against Joe Buck Yourself, I see a 5 game win streak on the horizon.  No worries, even though Nobu lost the final fight, he inflicted the most damage, nearly killing Daredevil.  This team will be deadly come post-season.

4.  Michigan Cougars (Previously 4, Currently 4)

Comparison: Madame Gao

    Michigan Cougars is sitting in a pretty good spot.  I really wanted to make a case for the second-highest scoring team (1864) by launching it into the top three, but I couldn’t justify putting a  3-3 team above a 5-1 team no matter the SOS.  Like Madame Gao sneakily hiding her dominant drug ring behind the old lady façade, Sam has a powerhouse hiding behind his 3-3 record.  Make no mistake: Michigan Cougars is a great team.    

3. Wok it Out (Previously 7, Currently 3)

Comparison: Elektra

    Admittedly the weakest of the three leaders, WIO has had the lowest scoring total of those three by over 100 points and lowest opponent score of those three by nearly 200 points.  That being said, this team is still in the top half of the league in scoring and remains undefeated*.  Elektra, unlike Karen Page, certainly tips the scale on hotness so you know where you stand with her.  Elektra is a great crime fighter with a punch, however; cool fighting and hotness only gets you so far, in the end you need to beat the best.  It would be impossible to rank this team #1 with the SOS it has had.
*has not played All Braun No Brains or Joe Buck Yourself yet.

2.  All Braun No Brains (Previously 2, Currently 2)

Comparison: Daredevil

    All Braun No Brains (I refuse to shorten or make fun of team names after getting to the top 2) is a well-oiled machine.  All Braun No Brains is the third-highest scoring team, the only team to beat Joe Buck Yourself, and in two weeks will be the first team to defeat WIO, probably launching it into the top spot.  What can I say? Daredevil kicks A.

1.  Joe Buck Yourself (Previously 1, Currently 1)

Comparison: Wilson Fisk

    There is no question if Joe Buck Yourself should be #1 right now.  Joe Buck Yourself is the highest league scorer, ahead of the second-place scorer by over 200 points. He has dismantled the competition, and proved resilience in a stunning comeback none of you should forget.This team is the team to beat, and no team should be allowed to be ranked #1 without beating Joe Buck Yourself. Period.  I don’t want to hear about biases on this ranking.  The numbers (2077 points) are not biased.  A 5-1 record, is not biased.  If I were biased, my team which has had the hardest schedule out of 12 teams, would not be ranked 11, and Billy Beanie wouldn’t be as low as 8th.
    Now, as to the comparison to Wilson Fisk.  Wilson Fisk is the most dominant character on Daredevil.  I’d link this up but it’s definitely violent, so take my word for it, he beheads a man with a car door for interrupting him on a date, he intimidates those who use his name to the point someone kills himself after letting the name slip, he controls a city, he fights the punisher and daredevil and holds his own.  Interestingly enough, he does lose one fight to Daredevil, and All Braun no Brains is the one team who beat Joe Buck Yourself. However; once in prison, Fisk rules the prison and the guards within days and rebuilds a regime.  Daredevil isn’t that strong, Wilson Fisk (the Kingpin) is the man. Tyler Cook is the man, and rightly sits upon the throne of Fantasy Baseball today.