Week 6 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Dane Jacobsen:

Welcome, members of the Crapstone Fantasy League, to the Week 6 Power Rankings: Office Edition. Unlike last week, where players and not GM’s (Sam) were compared to characters from Captain America: Civil War, this week all GM’s will be represented by their Office equivalent. Also, as cleverly crafted as the MIPCAC ranking system was, time constraints required a simpler system this week. Therefore, the rankings are a result of a 50-50 split between total points and total wins. So without further ado, “everybody in the conference room!”  

12. Citizen Kane (Previous Ranking: 11 – Movement: Down 1)

Citizen Kane finds himself at the back of the pack yet again coming in with the lowest number of total points (1046) and tied for the lowest number of wins (0). What’s more, GM Daniel Hellrung continues to be a mystery to me even though this is the second time we’ve been in fantasy leagues together. So for the guy who comes in, does his work, doesn’t say much, loves pretzel day, and doesn’t take any crap, I give you #12: Stanley Hudson.

11. Clown Question Bro (Previous Ranking: 12 – Movement: Up 1)

Clown Question Bro failed yet again to get his first “W” this week, but who can blame him given the strength of his opponent. With 1279 total points, I’m sure Dustin is a really nice guy and tries really hard, but things just don’t seem to go his way. Better luck next week, Kevin Malone.

10. Maraika Rockwood (Previous Ranking: 10 – Movement: 0)

With 1281 total points and 2 wins, GM Maraika Rockwood’s team did pull together a win over Citizen Kane, but overall is failing to impress. With a few slight adjustments, like maybe taking off her glasses, her team really has the potential to move in the right direction. You can do it, Pam Beesly.  

9. Pitches Be Crazy (Previous Ranking: 8 – Movement: Down 1)

With a name like Pitches Be Crazy, could Charlotte be any other than our very own Crapstone version of Kelly Kapoor? She’s got 1321 total points and 2 wins that land her solidly in the 9^th slot. Perhaps if she accesses her uncrazy side, she’ll be able to up her game.

8. The Bay of the Puigs Invasion (Previous Ranking: 6 – Movement: Down 2)

 GM Alec Rockwood is our Jim Halpert –  not necessarily because he’s the best looking guy in the group, but rather by default because he married Pam Beesly. Based on the rankings, it would seem that she married up… but we all know that he’s the one that got lucky. Let’s hope that luck transitions into some more wins. Who knows, he may still have some tricks up his sleeve.  

Total Points: 1341

Total Wins: 2

7. Wok it Out (Previous Ranking: 4 – Movement: Down 3)

Wok it Out remains the only undefeated team in the league. While in any other situation that would put him in the unquestioned 1^st position, GM Dane Jacobsen’s success is in no way related to skill. In fact, you may have already noticed that these rankings have not included any knowledge of players. Similarly, in The Office, in spite of being completely incompetent and incredibly awkward, Michael Scott somehow lands himself in the regional manager position. There is another reason Dane is Michael Scott, which will become apparent shortly.

Total Points: 1313

Wins: 5

6. Bautized unto rePencetance (Previous Ranking: 9 – Movement: Up 3)

Sean Rockwood is our Andy Bernard, coming in with 1360 points and 2 wins. While the wins are altogether unimpressive, his total points are enough to land him halfway up the rankings. In other words, his team is mediocre. Kind of like Andy. He’s a decent character, kind of a suck up, not great at sales, but still manages to win the hearts of some people.

5. Billy Beane (Previous Ranking: 2 – Movement: Down 3)

Let’s be completely clear here: this comparison has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. Rather, Taylor is Crapstone’s Oscar Martinez because he’s great with numbers (the guy’s an actuary for crying out loud) and generally keeps to himself. His uninvolvedness may be slightly off-putting, but he puts together a great team regardless. With his only loss to the undefeated Wok it Out, and with 1355 total points on the season, there may yet be good things to come.

4. Michigan Cougars (Previous Ranking: 3 – Movement: Down 1)

The love interest of Pitches Be Crazy, and also Machiavellian by nature, Sam DeBaltzo is competing hard for the top spot. Unfortunately, after this week’s contest to the undefeated Wok it Out, he’ll more likely end up working at the local bowling alley as our very own Ryan Howard. A little bit of facial hair doesn’t make you a man, Sam.

Total Points: 1520

Wins: 3

3. SHARK areNADO (Previous Ranking: 5 – Movement: Up 2)

As always the top salesman, but ever only the assistant to the regional manager, Crapstone’s Dwight Schrute is Corry Smith. With 1525 points and 2 wins, Corry performs well but is unlikely to ever see his dreams of advancing in rank come to fruition. The points are impressive, but unless they translate into wins they will never be enough.

2. All Braun No Brains (Previous Ranking: 7 – Movement: Up 5)

True to his team name, All Braun No Brains is headed by Creighton Hardy, or should I say Darryl Philbin. With 1538 points and 4 wins, this team is the only real threat to Joe Buck Yourself. Who needs brains when you’re jacked like this guy. 

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Previous Ranking: 1 – Movement: 0)

And now, the one, the only, the one we love to hate: Toby Flenderson aka Tyler Cook. With a staggering 1exactly what he’s doing and yet we could kick him in the nuts and feel just fine about it. He’s the Kobe Bryant to the Jazz – he is the villain who must be respected.

1718 points (nearly 200 more than his closest competitor) and 4 wins, this is the guy who knows

Week 5 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Sean Rockwood:

Friends, I’m afraid that as members of the Crapstone kingdom, we are in a time of turmoil. J. Tyler Cook has murdered the DeBaltzo Duo. Dane, Austin, and Maraika have banded together to form a super random coalition against Joseph T. on Facebook. What this world needs is a hero.

Well, in commemoration of Donald Trump becoming the Republican presidential candidate yesterday, I’m taking it upon myself to make Crapstone great again! Clearly the ESPN ranking system is not enough to create consensus among Crapstone members, so I have used my valuable (more like $9.50 an hour) time to create one ranking metric to rule them all. I call it MIPCAC! It goes a little something like this:

1.      Manager Involvement 25%

Ex. Moves + Facebook Posts and Comments

2.      Point Differential 50%

Ex. Points For – Points Against

3.      How their best player would fare in a Captain America: Civil War comparison battle. 25% Friday is more important than any baseball game before September. Tickets here.

Ex. Bartolo Colon = 1978 Incredible Hulk

There you go, MIPCAC!!! If you want to see the full ranking layout for this week, feel free. If not, here are your week 5 rankings.

12. Clown Question Bro (Previous Ranking: 11 - Movement: Down 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 5

Point Differential Rank: 12

Civil War Comparison Rank: 10

Not much going here for CQB. Despite decent manager involvement, it’s hard to get past having the worst point differential in the league. Maybe if he would’ve let up a bit in the final weeks of the fantasy basketball season he could’ve come better prepared this year (not bitter).

 

Manny Machado and The Falcon

11. Citizen Kane (Previous Ranking: 12 - Movement: Up 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 12

Point Differential Rank: 11

Civil War Comparison Rank: 4

Despite awful MI and PD ranks, Citizen Kane squeaks in front of CQB on the coattails of MLB iron man Miguel Cabrera. Though he may be on the decline, this triple crown winner will go down as one of the greatest of all time, and must be respected as such, still producing at an all-star level at age 33.

 

Miguel Cabrera and Iron Man

10. Maraika Rockwood (Previous Ranking: 9 - Movement: Down 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 11

Point Differential Rank: 10

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

 
Paul Goldschmidt and Ant-Man

Maraika avoids the bottom two slots with a healthy dose of decency, and isn’t that the only word to describe Ant-man? Before anyone freaks out and says that Manny Machado should outrank Goldschmidt, remember who won this.

9. Bauptized unto rePenencetance (Previous Ranking: 6 - Movement: Down 3)

Manager Involvement Rank: 7

Point Differential Rank: 7

Civil War Comparison Rank: 10

Although an unimpressive point differential doesn’t help much after a tough early schedule, the real killer for Bauptized is the overall inexperience of team Iron Man newcomer Spiderman. Despite Kris Bryant’s gaudy numbers, he still needs a few more years of experience under his belt before he can consider himself one of the big boys.

Kris Bryant and Spiderman

8. Pitches Be Crazy (Previous Ranking: 5 - Movement: Down 3)

Manager Involvement Rank: 6

Point Differential Rank: 9

Civil War Comparison Rank: 2

Pitches Be Crazy has greatly benefited by the high involvement of manager Charlotte DeBaltzo. However, it was Avengers dark horse Scarlet Witch that is largely responsible for the jump to 8^th. With the ability to perform magic and manipulate minds, Wanda Maximoff can turn any confrontation on its head. Kind of like Matt Sherzer.

 

Matt Sherzer and Scarlet Witch

7. All Braun No Brains (Previous Ranking: 2 - Movement: Down 5)

Manager Involvement Rank: 9

Point Differential Rank: 5

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

Low Manager Involvement bumps down ABNB despite a top five point differential. However, Civil War catalyst Bucky keeps them in the race. There are not many out there with a left arm as strong and skilled as Clayton Kershaw, and Bucky serves as a formidable comparison.

 

Clayton Kershaw and Bucky Barnes

6. The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previous Ranking: 10 - Movement: Up 4)

Manager Involvement Rank: 8

Point Differential Rank: 4

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

The Bay of Puigs Invasion comes it at #6, but it’s not the Dodgers’ star that headline’s this squad. NYC bomber and overall bad-A Yoenis Cespedes has earned that title. Also, if you had to pick an Avenger that fit the description “overall bad-A”, it would be this guy.

 

Yoenis Cespedes and Black Panther

5. SHARK areNADO (Previous Ranking: 4 - Movement: Down 1)

Manager Involvement Rank: 3

Point Differential Rank: 8

Civil War Comparison Rank: 2

No one benefitted more from the MIP CAC system than SHARK areNADO. Manager Corry Smith has already made 11 moves in just 4 weeks, beating out perennial fidgety GM Sam DeBaltzo for highest total. Having 5 tool star Nolan Arenado doesn’t hurt. As a Gold Glover that bats over .300, is top 5 in RBI, and leads the majors in HR, this stud has no weaknesses. Part man, part robot, The Vision presents similar problems.

 

Nolan Arenado and The Vision

4. Wok it Out (Previous Ranking: 8/7 - Movement: Up 3/4)

Manager Involvement Rank: 3

Point Differential Rank: 3

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

Wok it Out brings the killer combo of high manager involvement and an exceptional Point Differential rating. However, it’s Avenger sidekick Hawkeye that holds the group back. Jake Arrieta has proven that when he is on, he doesn’t miss, notching his second no-hitter in a calendar year last month. Unfortunately for Hawkeye, deadly accuracy alone isn’t enough though when fighting the supers of the world. Plus, everyone knows that pitching doesn’t win games…

 

Jake Arrieta and Hawkeye

3. Michigan Cougars (Previous Ranking: 3 - Movement: 0)

Manager Involvement Rank: 1

Point Differential Rank: 6

Civil War Comparison Rank: 4

What Michigan Cougars lack in playing ability, they make up for in Manager Involvement. Manager Sam DeBaltzo steals the #1 ranking after making 11 moves and being the second most active on Facebook. MLB golden boy Mike Trout has become the face of the league, much like American golden boy Captain America has for the Avengers. Whether or not he will be able to retain that title is yet to be seen.

 

Mike Trout and Captain America

2. Billy Beane (Previous Ranking: 8/7 - Movement: Up 5/6)

Manager Involvement Rank: 9

Point Differential Rank: 2

Civil War Comparison Rank: 1

Poor manager (read Facebook) involvement negates a great Civil War comparison rank as Billy Beane slides in at #2. What would change in manager Taylor Call’s life if he spent more time on Facebook? Would he find his wife? Would he learn cool math tricks? Would he get caught up in the Crapstone mayhem and join the Dane, Maraika, Austin Coalition to take down J. Tyler? The world may never know.

That being said, lets just talk about Billy Beane brute Giancarlo Stanton for a second. The dude has to wear a face mask on his helmet so that his natural breathing doesn’t blow away the pitcher 60 feet away. He tears through his jersey so naturally that’s its impossible to tell whether or not it is painted on. He’s more than just the perfect specimen of man, he’s a monster.

 

The Hulk and Giancarlo Stanton, wait oops…

1. Joe Buck Yourself (Previous Ranking: 1 - Movement: 0)

Manager Involvement Rank: 2

Point Differential Rank: 1

Civil War Comparison Rank: 6

Combining the highest point differential with a “typing just to hear myself talk” amount of Facebook posts, Joe Buck Yourself earns this week’s top ranking. Crossbones brings in the #6 Civil War ranking as the guy that wants to shake everything up. Rival to golden boy Mike Trout, Bryce Harper has pledged to “make baseball fun again” by claiming the title for “worst hair in the history of baseball.” Only a personality like this could split up friends Captain America and Iron Man. 

 

Bryce Harper and Crossbones

Honorable Mention: Austin Jones managed to get on the board this week despite a roster including Tim Duncan and Elgin Baylor after adding 3 posts to the Facebook page. Also, that technically makes Austin last place again. Sorry bud. 

Week 4 Power Rankings

Courtesy of J. Tyler Cook and Sam DeBaltzo

Week three has come and gone and we have had quite the shake-up in rankings! Billy Beane and Dane Jacobsen (seriously, you have got to get a team name) remain the only unbeaten teams but the power rankings demonstrate this may be solely for strength of schedule. We appear to have some solid bottom-feeders in Citizen Kane and Clown Question Bro. However, Maraika Rockwood (again, team name) has redeemed from her 0-2 start and has absolutely obliterated the rest of the league this week. Here are my absolutely, 74%, sort of, unbiased power rankings for the week:

12: Citizen Kane (Previous Ranking: 11)

The least amount of points in the league, completely horrendous pitching (his staff allows a run every two innings more or less), Danny is going to need to make some savvy waiver wire pickups of functional starters if he wants to bounce back. An 0-3 hole isn’t insurmountable, but this week’s matchup against Alec is a must win.

11: Clown Question Bro (Previous Ranking: 10)

Going from Dustin’s fantasy basketball team to his fantasy baseball team is like being forced to move from Hawaii to 1960 East Germany. While his honey-moon phase may not be over, reality will soon come crashing down on our friend Dustin if he doesn’t win this week. Nothing kills fantasy baseball fever like a slow start, but in a long season, he can turn things around. Lets see if his fantasy basketball knowledge can translate because if he starts to figure things out, watch out.

10: Bay of Puigs Invasion (Previous Ranking: 8)

Alec’s team gets a ton of hits and doubles, but unfortunately not as many home runs as he probably needs. A tough loss last week to his personal nemesis Taylor Call must sting deeply, but a win this week against Citizen Kane is just what the doctor ordered. Alec needs Chris Archer to live up to preseason expectations and needs his all latino-lineup to show some of that famed flair and passion if he wants to overcome a subpar start.

9: Maraika Rockwood (Previous Ranking: 12)

I really love this squad. I thought they were going to pull away with a win last week but narrowly missed out. However, this week they showed they were the real deal. Best move of the week? Snagging Javier Baez from the free agents. He hasn’t paid much dividends yet but I have a good feeling about him. But don’t ask me, ask Joe Maddon and Ben Zobrist. I like the squad, I like the management; I thoroughly expect this team to continue winning and end Dane Jacobsen’s winning streak this upcoming week.

8/7: Billy Beane (Previous Ranking: 9) & Dane Jacobsen (Previous Ranking: 6)

I’m lumping these two teams together to make a point. While yes, they are the only two undefeated teams this year, I feel like that is more luck than skill. They have had the two lowest amounts of points scored against them (honestly look at the standings page, Taylor has 109 less POINTS against him than Dane, no way that luck keeps up). However, Dane ranks seventh in scoring and Taylor tenth. Jake Arrieta throwing a No-No for Dane and dropping 46 was an amazing performance, but I’m thinking both of these teams are due for a sharp decline. However, like the very overrated Derek Jeter once said, the best teams don’t win championships, the hottest ones do.

6: Bautized unto rePencetance (Previous Ranking: 1)

I’ll admit; I was in agreement with J. Tyler Cook’s assessment of the quality of this team at the start of the season. However, although Bautized unto rePencetance has a record of 2-1, I have not been impressed with management for a few reasons, including:

(1) the fact that he took over a week to remove Kyle Schwarber (perhaps he is as optimistic as some Cub’s fans).

(2) His failure to set his lineup when Jacob DeGrom and Aaron Nola both played this week to combine for 40 fantasy points.

I can’t drop rePencetance too low, he’s got a solid squad. However, he won’t get away with failing to set a lineup long in this league.

5: Pitches Be Crazy (Previous Ranking: 5)

I’m keeping Pitches Be Crazy this high because I truly believe this was just a major off-weak for them. However, if they have another week like last, they can expect to plummet in the rankings. (Tylers Note) – And they have the misfortune of going against the best team ever assembled this week in fantasy. Hey Charlotte, you know how I just obliterated your husband and stuffed him in a fantasy baseball locker? Well, get ready for a gentlemen’s pitch slap at the hand of my boys this week. Nothing makes us happier than beating a DeBaltzo. But good work so far on your team.

4: SHARK areNADO (Previous Ranking: 3)

Corry’s team had a little bit of bad luck last week, as Maraika’s team came out of nowhere to lay a beat down on him, but Corry’s 1-2 record is misleading. Fourth in the league in fantasy points (a better indicator for future performance than record) and led by Nolan Arenado and some savvy pickups, I could see Corry going on a little hot streak right here. With five pitchers going on Monday, don’t be surprised if Corry takes down the undefeated Billy Beane and is the high scorer this week. Plus, his attendance in tonight’s game in Coors field in Colorado to scout Gregory Polance, Chad Bettis and Nolan Arenado will only inspire the players to do well.

3: Michigan Cougars (Previous Ranking: 7)

Although critiqued as the Pitching equivalent of a “butterface,” I have to say; the Cougars’ pitching should make every team hate their bullpens – the Cougars have 55 more strikeouts than any other team! The pickup of Ryan Madson this week was absolutely phenomenal; he has been nothing but unstoppable. With an army of closers and so-far underperforming aces up my sleeve, the Cougars should be topping the rankings shortly.

2: Daaaaang Daniel (Previous Ranking: 2)

Creighton’s team is led by power hitting up the wazoo, as him and Tyler have more than 10 home runs than the next closest teams. And for a team owned by Creighton, it makes sense that one of his best players has the last name Braun. Seriously, if Ryan Braun returns to steroid form (batting .364 with 5 home runs so far) Creighton may have the best lineup in the league. This week against Sean could be huge in establishing early season dominance. As a side note, Creighton is not too proud to go back to his days of man-handling other men while wearing just a banana-hammock. Watch out peeps.

1: Joe Buck Yourself (Previous Ranking: 4)

Tyler’s massive ego may stop him from learning a lesson this but all reports suggest that he should have invested in a little better pitching. Admittedly, Jose Fernandez and some other starters absolutely imploded this week. Are we seeing a pitching overhaul in the near future?

Despite my taunts, Joe Buck Yourself has some amazing hitting and deserves to be ranked this high. I mean, Bryce Harper hit a home run on his day off! Wow. Good play ol’ sport. And, when push comes to shove, he was able to pull out a win late Sunday night in a highly contested matchup with the Cougars.

Basketball Wrap-Up

Courtesy of J. Tyler Cook
  So this will probably be copied and pasted onto the blog, but I wanted to congratulate my close personal friend Dustin Jensen on winning the fantasy basketball championships. In the irony of ironies, a team named after John Stockton won a championship with a point guard who could actually score in crunch time. It's easy to say Steph carried Dustin to the championship victory with an all time season, but I think that is short selling the work and all around savvy he showed as an owner this year. Honestly it's kind of embarrassing to have a new kid just come in and OWN from top to bottom, going 14-2-1 in the regular season before winning every playoff matchup. While I look at his team and see guys like Shelvin Mack and Gorgei Dieng, Dustin saw potential (Dieng dropped 37 the last week of the season). Honestly, Dustin's team shows how he won. He showed no previous biases (even letting Enes Kanter, a known Jazz hater, stay on his team) and wasn't scared to pick up people who had hot weeks turn into hot seasons (Hood, Dieng, Barea, Mack). Dustin consistently had a team full of players who had the hot hand, led by Steph Curry who had the hot hand all season. So congrats Dustin, amazing season dude and ironically may be a record that is never broken (16-2-1 is absurd dominance). Job well done buddy!
  And congrats to Sean too. I'll be honest, Sean never seemed like a "Fantasy" type of guy, but it was awesome having you care haha. Leagues are a lot better when you're using your sports knowledge past draft day. Awesome season and you probably had the most fun, considering every single main guy on your team is like a personal favorite of yours (Butler, Kawhi, Jabari, Jokic, Greek Freak). Awesome job and great season.
  With basketball gone we will turn our attention towards baseball and football, but let the league page be updated and this season be remembered! Good work everyone! (Except Austin and Sam for making a trade that almost submarined the season). But thanks for that as well! Cuz we learned from it and are progressing as a league because of it! Love you all!

Week 1 Recap and Week 2 Power Rankings

Courtesy of Charlotte DeBaltzo:

The first week of play has ended and the scores are in.  Some teams came out swinging while others meandered their way onto the field, unsure if they needed a glove or a bat.  There were a couple of surprising injuries, some great pick-ups, and incredible plays, but most importantly of all, the highlights were the players’ photos. 

12: Maraika Rockwood (Maraika Rockwood)

111 fantasy points this week

Maraika Rockwood’s team had the roughest starting week in the entire league.  With total points way below the next highest scorer, this team struggled a little, which is why they’re ranked 12^th.  Fortunately for the team, they can score points in more than just baseball.  Her team’s highest scorer was Paul Goldschmidt, with 2 home runs and 25 points.  But more important than that, Paul was voted “Most Likely To Be On The Cover of Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition.”  With this good looking hunk on her team, I’m sure they’ll be able to turn the team around and have an amazing week. 

11: Citizen Kane (Daniel Hellrung)

195 fantasy points this week

Daniel Hellrung’s week went a little better, although 11^th isn’t much of a ranking.  Citizen Kane was able to scrounge up a total of 195 points with the help of the reigning AL MVP, Josh Donaldson, who scored a whopping 35 points.  Although he was able to carry the team this week, in order for Citizen Kane to make it in this league, the rest of the team needs to pick up the slack.  Especially since Josh was voted “Most likely to be found naked and hungover in the dugout.”  Hopefully, for the sake of Citizen Kane, he’ll keep it together this week so he can score those high numbers for the team. 

10: Clown Question Bro (Dustin Jensen)

196 fantasy points this week

Dustin Jensen’s Team is ranked 10^th this week, barely passing Citizen Kane.  It was most likely due to the magic of Chris Sale, Clown Question Bro’s highest scorer.  With a total of 38 points, Sale struck out 6 hitters and had a great week.  But although he’s great at baseball, he may not be all there mentally.  It was probably for this reason that Sale was voted “Most Likely to Laugh at Tyler Cook’s jokes.”  Whether out of sympathy or misunderstanding, it’s a fact that Sale should probably stick to his work on the baseball diamond. 

9: Billy Beane (Taylor Call) 

223 fantasy points this week

With over 223 points, Taylor Call’s team is ranked 9^th this week.  Although at the bottom, Billy Beane showed some promise this upcoming week.  With their high scorer striking out 10 hitters across 7 scoreless innings, it’s no wonder that this week should be better.  Felix Hernandez scored a total of 37 points for his team and there’s no reason he won’t do it again.  Voted “Most Likely to Provide Mediocre Customer Service at Tiffany and Co.,” there’s a chance that he may be quit his baseball day job.  If not, Billy Beane has potential to move up in the league. 

8: The Bay of Puigs Invasion (Alec Rockwood) 

231 fantasy points this week

There is a very good reason that Alec Rockwood’s team name is The Bay of Puigs Invasion.  Ranking 8^th this week, the team scored a total of 231 points with the help of their high scorer, Yasiel Puig.  Although not the highest individual scorer, he helped his team tremendously being 3 for 4 in a win against the Padres and scoring a total of 32 points.  In part because of this, that athletic juggernaut was voted “Most Likely to Be Mistaken for LeBron James on MLB 2K14.”  That animated face will not let him down this week. 

7: Michigan Cougars (Sam DeBaltzo) 

248 fantasy points this week

Sam DeBaltzo’s team was able to pull out a 7^th place ranking, with 248 points.  The Michigan Cougars must be a well-rounded team, with their high scorer only earning the team 27 points.  Even though Madison Bumgarner has a girls name, he showed that he’s serious pitching 6 innings with only 1 run.  That’s a pretty great start, even if Madison’s family didn’t have a great start.  Voted “Most Likely To Be the Child of a Yetti,” Madison has really made a good life for himself.  Michigan Cougars would be wise to never make him too upset. 

6: Dane Jacobsen (Dane Jacobsen) 

253 fantasy points this week

With the third highest scoring player this last week, Dane Jacobsen’s team was only able to make it to a 6^th place ranking.  Even though Jake Arrieta had a great week, his 47 points didn’t make up for the rest of the team not playing the best they could.  Hopefully they’ll take after Arrieta this week, with 3 earned runs, 6 strikeouts, and no walks.  He was voted “Most Likely to be Homeless in a Year,” but with the help of his team, hopefully he’ll last a little longer than that.  Jacobsen sure needs it. 

5: Pitches Be Crazy (Charlotte DeBaltzo)

270 fantasy points this week

Charlotte DeBaltzo’s team is ranked 5^th this week with the help of DJ LeMahieu.  LeMajieu scored a total of 30 points, which contributed to the 270 points for Pitches Be Crazy.  Even though he’s a red head, he didn’t throw off the groove of the team, which is likely to stay closer to the top of the rankings.  LeMajieu was voted “Most likely to be used as a Pacific Island Shrunken Head.”  If he can keep his head for the entire season, Pitches Be Crazy is the number one choice for the championship.

4: Joe Buck Yourself (Tyler Cook)

302 fantasy points this week

Although a surprise, Tyler Cook’s team is ranked 4^th this week.  With 302 points from the last week, the prospects for the team are looking good.  The highest scorer was Robinson Cano, scoring 2 home runs and earning a total of 31 points.  Even though this was a great thing, he was voted “Most Likely to have turned to baseball after failing a GQ photoshoot.”  If Cano doesn’t end up in a magazine this week, or any of the following weeks, Joe Buck Yourself is a team that could prove hard to beat. 

3: SHARK areNADO (Corry Smith)

318 fantasy points this week

Ranked 3^rd in the league, Corry Smith’s team scored an amazing 318 points.  This is a great start for the team SHARK areNADO, and for their highest scorer Buster Posey.  Posey hit a solo home run and a run against the Dodgers and scored 29 points for the team.  This number may seem surprising coming from the player who was voted “Most Likely to Call His Mom Three Times a Day.”  But although Posey looks young and may still need his mom, he’s a solid player on a solid team. 

2: Daaaaang Daniel (Creighton Hardy)

322 fantasy points this week

  

Creighton Hardy’s team had an amazing week, and for that reason, Daaaaaang Daniel ranks 2^nd.  The team earned 322 points for the entire week, with Clayton Kershaw earning a whopping 53 points.  Kershaw was the highest scorer this week in the entire league and Daaaaaang Daniel is lucky to have him.  He struck out five batters and is an indispensable asset for the team, although he may be dangerous.  He was voted “Most Likely to Kill Someone with His Chin.”  If he can keep the chin under control, Daaaaaang Daniel is one of the best teams in the league. 

1: Bautized unto rePencetance (Sean Rockwood)

366 fantasy points this week

The highest scoring team last week is Sean Rockwood’s team, Bautized unto rePencetance.  The team’s total score was 366, way ahead of the rest of the pack.  One reason for this might be thanks to the astounding rookie Trevor Story.  Beginning his career with 51 points, his season looks great.  It will be tough to beat Bautized unto rePencetance, but there is a chance.  Especially since Story was voted “Most Likely to Have No Idea What’s Going On, But Still Hit Home Runs.”  Hopefully he can keep that up, or Bautized unto rePencetance may fall from the number 1 ranking.