Championship Week

Championship Week

Courtesy of Sam DeBaltzo:

Championship week is upon us. We have a lot of absolutely irrelevant matchups (although the Michigan Cougars will be doing their darnedest to win the totally unrecognized, imaginary third place trophy; it’s just to show Charlotte I didn’t waste the past five months). However, if anyone is seeking to make their insignificant match more exciting, the Michigan Cougars and Lawrence Jr. Wombats have agreed to play this matchup in a series of two-on-two games.

            Well, two matchups that do matter: First, the Crapstone™, our favorite imaginary trophy (which we are hoping will materialize into a real trophy in the coming future). Second, the Plain ol’ Crap™ looks to be a bitter battle between two teams that we hope strap-up and fight out the battle of the bottom.

The Crapstone

Stockton’s Short Shorts

Why they’ll win: They are on a roll. S³ has not lost a game since WEEK 3!!! They had a draw with Bad Karma Krew in Week 9 but have quite literally been unstoppable since two quick losses in the beginning of the season. Even with the draw, they are currently on a 10-game winning streak.

More important than anything else, in the words of J. Tyler Cook: Dustin "is hellbent on winning.” That’s the spirit.

Why they’ll lose: It’s the end of the season. S^3’s top 6 players are all on teams headed to the playoffs, and 3 of them (DeMar DeRozan, Stephen Curry, Enes Kanter) are on teams that have all-but set their playoff position. S³ could take a hit if the coaches start to rest these players. However, as Steph Curry and DeMar Rozan continue to play about 70 minutes each in every game, this could be a non-issue.

Team His Airness

Why they’ll win: They have won all season. They have a consistent team and the quality trio of Kyle Lowry, Kawhi Leonard, and Jimmy Butler have given them an awesome team. Even more, Giannis Antetokounmpo has been unstoppable over the past 30 days.

More important than anything else, look at this face:

Why they’ll lose: Imagine what everyone says about the Cavaliers and being the best in the Eastern Conference record. Sorry Team His Airness, but being in the weaker conference with a weaker schedule means you have to deal with everything the Cavs do. On another note, Kawhi Leonard has now missed three games in a row, that has gotta hurt.

Projected Winner: Unfortunately for Team His Airness, despite their continued success, they are in the same position as anyone who faces Stephen Curry and the Golden State Warriors in the actual NBA this season. That is, it is their job to prove that S³ can be beaten. This should be a close matchup, but I give S³ the upper edge as they have obliterated competition throughout the entire season whereas Team His Airness has had a weak schedule that casts continual doubt on their ability to excel.

Plain ol’ Crap

Courtesy of Dustin Jensen:

In what is sure to be the biggest snooze fest since the Spurs Cavaliers Finals in 2007, Popovich Bears suits up (at least partially) to face the equally unenthusiastic Big Daddy team.  In researching the last time either team actually tried to win, I am unsure Popovich Bear ever seriously tried to win this season, if so, certainly not after week 3.  The three wins to Popovich Bear (3-16 including playoffs) were by a combined 117 points.  The 16 losses? 2885.  As Gregg Popovich continues his quest to land another Tim Duncan in the draft next season, Team Tank has shown its determination by refusing to play 6/13 players.  Danny Green and Tyreke Evans highlight this dis-animated bench crew, and are planning a revolt.

Big Daddy’s Win total including playoffs is at a robust 5-14 with a combined winning total of 454 and a loss total of 1619.  The biggest surprise here is that Big Daddy actually won the first three matchups.   Suddenly scared of success and effort, Big Daddy promptly began to bench rebellious players and obliterate any hope at relevance.  Calls were made to hire a coaching staff of Ty Corbin and Brian Shaw, only to find them too successful.

It’s almost sad to tell you that one of these teams is going to win this week, and that a half–a’d effort put forth to actually set a lineup for at least one of the weeks would surely guarantee a victory.  Can you imagine if a coach told a player “just walk up and down the floor on half of the possessions, try not to get in the way of your teammates, and we’ll certainly get a win”.  Who knows, maybe it will end in a tie out of sheer spite.

Projected Winner: The only half tanking Big Daddy gets the win (which in real life is like calling a life sentence mitigated to 40 years and then permanent parole a victory).